


The Color of Your Heart

by sophoklesworld



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Angels exist, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Pining, Soulmate AU, but it's kinda different, color soulmate au, they don't see the color of each other's eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-04-01
Packaged: 2018-05-23 10:27:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 27,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6113638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sophoklesworld/pseuds/sophoklesworld
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>“Are you there, God? It’s me, Dean Winchester. I guess you already know that. Provided you exist. I’m gonna be straight with you.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>  <em>I’m not convinced that you really exist. And I don’t believe in your angels either — son of a bitch this is ridiculous!</em></p><p> </p><p>  <em>If You are there, God, I am disappointed. Because everything You stand for, You are not. You are supposed to be a good God. Keeping the people save. And not let them be slaughtered by vampires and other monsters. How can You exist if there are demons threatening souls and taking lives? How can You look in the mirror? It is so unfair that the good people are suffering, dying, and You just let it happen! You crush their hopes down, by giving people colors but miss sending the actual soulmate? Very classy. Yeah, I don’t even know why I’m doing this. It’s not like I’m expecting an answer. Maybe I should go out instead, kill demons, doing the job You were supposed to do.”</em><br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Shadowcat221b](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat221b/gifts).



> Sooooo, finally!  
> Finally I am done.  
> This is a (very belated) birthday and christmas present for [Shadowcat221b](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat221b/pseuds/Shadowcat221b).  
> It is also inspired by a conversation I had with my lovely Shadowcat.
> 
> I am thanking [buntesLicht](http://archiveofourown.org/users/buntesLicht/pseuds/buntesLicht) with all my heart for beta-reading.  
> I do apologize if there are too many commas (I get confused by the English grammar rules concerning commas sometimes).
> 
> Sabriel is mostly just a plot device, tbh. So there will be some parts about them in the beginning but after that, I can't promise anything.
> 
>  
> 
> This is not the typical soulmate AU but I hope you enjoy.  
> Happy Birthday, Shadowcat

* * *

 

 

Some people imagine Heaven to be like they see the sky. Fluffy clouds, a huge golden gate protecting the  peace, where you can walk around, in emptiness, between millions of people, find a nice place to stay in the ever shining golden sun.

In reality, it was nothing like this.

There were a million different places, your favorite place, your favorite experience, your loved ones. Everything a soul needed. And these souls are not stuck in a shelf to think of their Heaven, but they can actually move through the world, everyone in their own, personal Heaven.

 

And God was not the ruthless deity, as some may expect. He was a caring and loving father, but — and there might be parents who can agree — a lot of children can bring a lot of trouble and despair. Sometimes, God walked around in a human body, calling himself Chuck. He did stay on earth like this for a while, incognito, and it felt just like sitting becoming part of his children’s play.

God mostly resided in Heaven, where he had his room, with a million tv’s showing the life of a million different people all at once. Playing the prayers, the wishes, hopes and dreams. And also mundane things, confessions of love, babies being born, a thanksgiving dinner.

God couldn’t answer any prayer. He may be able, but the thing He adores about humanity, is their thrive to pursuit happiness. If he’d answer every single prayer, let all their flaws vanish, the people wouldn't be able to find happiness more, wouldn’t know what it was, and couldn’t appreciate the breath of life. Worst of all, they wouldn’t have a free will anymore.

 

Now, when He sat there, in his room, his angelic children didn’t know He was home. As Chuck, he sat in his armchair, watching humanity go it’s way, as a prayer caught his attention.

He hadn’t heard from the boy in over a decade. He thought he’d have lost his faith long ago. Of course, He still knew every step this human took, monitored his every heartbeat. But it was different from hearing his voice clear and directed at Him.

“ _Are you there, God? It’s me, Dean Winchester. I guess you already know that. Provided you exist. I’m gonna be straight with you._ ”

Chuck snorted, _straight_ , _yeah right_ , He thought, a smile playing around his mouth.

“ _I’m not convinced that you really exist. And I don’t believe in your angels either — son of a bitch this is ridiculous!_ ”

“ _If You are there, God, I am disappointed. Because everything You stand for, You are not. You are supposed to be a good God. Keeping the people save. And not let them be slaughtered by vampires and other monsters. How can You exist if there are demons threatening souls and taking lives? How can You look in the mirror? It is so unfair that the good people are suffering,_ dying _, and You just let it happen! You crush their hopes down, by giving people colors but miss sending the actual soulmate? Very classy. Yeah, I don’t even know why I’m doing this. It’s not like I’m expecting an answer. Maybe I should go out instead, kill demons, doing the job_ You _were supposed to do._ ”

God sat there, considering this. He was not about to do what Dean Winchester of all people told Him, but it was true, the angels had their problems. Lucifer … Chuck shook His head. Yes, they were a family just like a human family. And He didn’t do the best job at parenting. But every family had their vices and problems.

And it figured, that Dean would talk to Him, because he was insecure and felt left alone. Sadly, He hadn’t been able to reveal his soulmate to Dean. There were big plans, for both of them. He couldn’t go change this aspect of the future. Because Dean would help Chuck, make the world a better place. He just didn’t know it yet.

Chuck smiled, soon enough, Dean would feel the happiness blossoming in his heart and could finally rest his soul and travel the path he was destined to.

 

* * *

 

For as long as humanity can remember, people had soulmates.

 

The legend says, that once there had been an angel falling in love with a human whose eyes had been from astonishing color and the angel had marveled at the sight.

But the angel had to go away on a heavenly mission and when it came back, the human had been married.

 

The angel grew angry and sad. They couldn't go and move on. Because if an angel falls in love, it is forever.

So the angel left and travelled the earth but everywhere they went it could see colors that reminded him of the human's eyes. It felt like daggers in its angelic heart.

 

The angel couldn't bear seeing those colors anymore, so in its grief and anger, it banished the human's eyes colors from its vision.

 

At the same moment, the human lost the color they had seen whenever they were looking into the angel's eyes.

 

The angel's power reached further than it had anticipated.

Like a wind blowing across the planet, taking different colors from people.

Some lost the ability to see the blue of the sky or ocean, for some the leaves turned grey and for others, multiple colors just faded to various colorless shades.

Colors they might not ever see again.

 

But some people went home, to their families, confused and scared by those happenings only to see the world turn colorful again as they looked into their partner's eyes. Only that their lover's eyes stayed as grey as they were.

Others came home but never found the lost colors again, their partner's eyes still a boring blue, green or brown.  

 

* * *

 

Dean never really thought about his soulmate.

He had one, of course. He had never been able to see the blue of the sky and storming sea.

Since his dad had lost Mary, though, Dean was not all that excited about finding his mate. He couldn't loose what he hadn’t found. Still, he found himself craving to finally see the color blue.

 

After Mary's death, John had started to drink to drown his sorrow. It cost him his jobs and after almost six years of moving through the country, it cost him his sons. Bobby had finally had enough and took Sam and Dean in, after Dean got caught steeling food for his little brother Sammy because John had been out cold for three days.

 

Dean had been glad it was over, for now. He wasn't mad at John. He missed Mary, too. But John had expected a lot of him and at Bobby's he finally could relax and let an actual adult take care of things.

Bobby made sure to never talk about the nightmares when Dean or Sam where around. Dean was glad he didn't. Even though he knew and wouldn't forget, he had always tried to keep it from Sam. His little brother shouldn't be afraid of the dark and the monsters that where too real.

So Dean had kept his mouth shut and never talked about it, not even to Bobby.

He never forgot what was out there, though.

 

* * *

 

Angels perceived a greater variety of colors than humans and many were untouched by the powerful change that the angel Anael had brought upon them.

Some angels, though, lost some of their colors immediately, like the young angel Castiel. He was sitting at the sea to watch fish and in a wing beat, the algae in the water, the trees behind him, the grass underneath his feet turned a million shades of grey. His destiny set in stone, unchangeable, planned by his Father's hand. He had a soulmate. At some point in the intertwined paths of time, he was supposed to come across his mate.

 

For some angels, as they found out through time, their colors gradually turned to grey, as if the universe wasn't sure yet, and their future still changing. This is what happened to Gabriel.

He had never paid much attention to this whole soulmate crap. What mattered most to him was family and it was what he worried about when this curse or whatever you wanna call it happened. His older brothers were fighting and he stood at the side line, witnessing how their Father left and Lucifer fell.

He tried to drown his anger in pranks. Taking his second identity as Loki, the Trickster. It kept him away from Heaven. Away from the guilt, because he hadn't done enough.

But then, his colors started to fade into grey. Green, blue, yellow, brown. Almost everything faded to grey.

The day he couldn't see the gold of the sun anymore, was when he decided to leave the exile he put himself into, and come back to his actual family. For a better chance to find his soulmate.

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 


	2. t-9 weeks , t-10 weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sioux Falls, South Dakota.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter:)
> 
> It's just to get an idea of how they live, where they live.
> 
> Have fun!

* * *

 

**_t-9 weeks_ **

 

Dean was moving his leg in rhythm to the music, humming to _Hells Bells._

He sat in his car, still greasy from the work at Bobby's garage, in front of Sam's flower shop.

 

"Not gonna lock the door?", he asked as Sam climbed into the car.

"No, Castiel is still there, looking for the bees", Sam answered and Dean started the car.

With a snort he said, "Right. So what’s it like to own actual bees? And how did this Castile-guy survive the first week with Sam-Squatch as his boss?"

"His name is _Castiel,_ which you'd know if you'd actually listen for once and he's doing a great job. Guy really likes the bees. He seems a little out if his depth when people talk to him, though, as if he never made conversation. And I'm a _good_ boss. I'm not treating my employees like you treated Ash in his first week!"

Dean grinned. He could basically hear the eye roll his brother sent his way.

"Whatever you say, bitch, ready to get that beer?"

"Jerk."

Dean didn't know where this tingling warning sensation came from and forgot about it as soon as he pulled up in front of the Roadhouse.

 

* * *

 

**_t-10 weeks_ **

 

A few years after Gabriel's return to the Host, it was decided that some angels should be send to Earth to hold the demons at bay that were coming out of Hell.

 

Gabriel and Castiel were given a house in South Dakota, to live in the small town as brothers.

 

Since Gabriel already had a Vessel, from his time spent as a trickster, they only needed to find one for Castiel.

While they were looking for a Vessel willing to take Castiel in, Gabriel made various references Castiel didn't understand, saying they were some kind of undercover agents.

He also didn't fail to mention how only those angels were chosen for the missions on Earth, which had a soulmate.

Castiel just answered how nice it was that they all got the chance to find their mate.

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

The town was small and nice. According to Gabriel, it was a necessity for them to find a 'job' in order to fit in and to not draw any attention.

 

Even though, Castiel wasn't able to see green anymore he chose to ask for a job in the flower shop they passed. He still loved the various colors and he loved bees, their yellow being like little buzzing suns and the shop had little bee pictures hanging in the windows. He also still loved blue, to watch the oceans move. But there was no ocean close-by and he was on a mission.

To his delight, the flower shop also had real bees and the owner, Sam Winchester, had been very enthusiastic and gave Castiel the job right away — without him using his powers.

 

Castiel had studied and watched humans for a while now. He could not ‘get a hang’ of their behavior, now that he had to act as one. He felt it was unnecessary to walk to the house they occupied if he could just _fly_ there. But Gabriel insisted.

The first thing Castiel registered upon entering the small house, was a loud voice filling up the space. When he entered the kitchen, he saw Gabriel painting it in a deep red, lollipop in his mouth and singing.

“Hey, little bro!” his brother grinned. “You found a job? Me, too. Guess where!”

“Yes, Gabriel. I did get a job. Where did you get a job and _what_ are you doing?” Castiel said, frowning.

“It’s called dancing and you should try it some time! It'd do you good, with a stick constantly up your ass! Come on, bro! Shake it off!”, Gabriel answered, still dancing and pushing the paint brush into Castiel’s face.

“And I got a job at the candy store across town! Where’d you get a job?”

With the blink of the eye, Castiel felt his Vessel’s face turn clean again. “I am employed in the flower shop.” He answered, slightly irritated. As he turned around, his brother’s singing died off.

Castiel made his way to the living room picking some books he would read until his shift started in the morning.

 

* * *

 


	3. t-7 weeks

* * *

 

 

Gabriel stood in front of the flower shop, debating with himself. He'd asked Castiel where he had got a job and as soon as his brother had said 'flower' his heart dropped.

He didn't like places with so many colors. There was a reason he painted the house only red, violet, white and nothing else. 

It was depressing to be in places with so many colors you weren't actually able to see (the candy shop only worked for him because almost everything was red and orange over there).

He had said, he'd pick Castiel up, though, playing the big brother he actually was, showing whoever Castiel's boss was that they weren't the hermits that Castiel made them seem to be, checking the place out for demonic vibes.

So his only choices were to go inside and face the grey he'd see, or to stay outside like a creep and look at the grey from here.

He could see a tall person moving inside, which didn't look like Castiel's Vessel.

Grinding his teeth, Gabriel opened the door and stepped inside.

 

* * *

 

Dean knew something was different as soon as Sam entered the garage. For one thing because Sam rarely came into the garage in the first place. The look on his face made Dean weary.

"Sammy, what happened?", he asked alarmed.

"Dean!" Sam seemed completely out of breath.

"I — I met my soulmate."

 

It was silent for a moment, while Dean tried to comprehend Sam’s words. The first thing he said was a whispered "Son of a bitch". The second thing was "Who is it?"

 

* * *

 

Sam didn’t hold the same grudge against the color grey as his dad and brother did.

He mainly just enjoyed the colors he _could_ see.

When thinking about his mate, Sam often pictured himself with a beautiful woman and children, all of them living a happy life.

Lately, these thoughts came less, though. He found himself caught up in his shop and what little time he wasn’t occupied, he usually spent with Dean.

He may not be completely happy at this moment but he was content.

He owned this little, colorful shop. He even got yellow and black striped bees, he was admiring every day.

Not as much as his new employee, though. Castiel spent most of his time watching the bees in fascination.

The only times, Sam really wondered, what gold and some shades of brown might look like, was when he was out with Dean, drinking a beer or whiskey. It was kind of funny to look into a whiskey glass, the color of the liquid constantly and fluently changing from grey to brown and back again, always moving in the light.

He was moving around some flowers, cleaning the shelves, when the bell announced a costumer.

While balancing two lilies and without turning around, he said “I’ll be there in a sec!”

“Sure”, the answer came in a light and amused sounding tone.

 

When Sam turned around, the guy was looking around in interest, even though there was a tiny sad frown on his face.

“How can I help?” Sam asked, clasping his hands together.

  
It wasn't like anything Sam had ever experienced when the guy locked eyes with him.

 

Sam has had a crush before, felt butterflies and has been in love before — with Jess — but this was nothing like falling in love with someone you met. Nothing like looking at a stranger in fascination and wanting to date them.

There wasn't love, when he looked at his soulmate — love was something they were going to develop through time, as fast as it might happen.

But what he felt was utter amazement and the strangely comforting feeling of coming home. Of finally arriving.

He couldn’t pry his eyes away, not even to look at the soft gold brown that was spreading behind the other man, slowly replacing the grey everywhere but in his mate’s eyes.

“Hi”, he breathed out.

“Hey”, came the answer, just as breathless, the frown disappearing and instead a beautiful smile growing on the other man’s face.

 

They stood there for a minute, taking each other in.

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

Sam was fascinated by the man in front of him. His _soulmate_.

After a moment it occurred to him that he only referred to his soulmate as his ‘soulmate’ in his head. And that he should probably tell his soulmate his name and ask his soulmate for his name — because this was starting to get confusing.

“I am Sam”, he said, just as his soulmate said,

“I am Gabriel.”

Gabriel grinned a broad, happy grin and Sam couldn’t suppress his own smile.  
“Sooo, you are my brother’s boss?”, he asked, laughter in his tone.

“You’re Castiel’s brother?”, Sam responded, exited. He hadn’t even known that Castiel had a brother because never talked much — but he was good with plants and the bees like an employee should.

Gabriel rolled his eyes, “Yeah, he didn’t tell ya about me, did he?”

“Sadly, no”, Sam shook his head.

“Well, don’t mind him, he's not a people’s person. But whatcha thinking, are we gonna leave it to Cassie to close up your shop and go out for dinner?”

Sam seemed to respond to the excitement in Gabriel’s eyes and whole stance. He just wanted to make sure he was always as happy as right now. So the only thing left to do was to nod.

“But — shouldn’t we maybe tell Castiel that we — are soulmates?”  
Soulmates. It sounded so final but also new and frightening but also so promising, when he said it out loud.

He could see in Gabriel’s eyes, in the way he swallowed that he was just as overwhelmed and that he too, was excited and willing to go down this road.

 

* * *

 


	4. t-4 weeks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanksgiving is coming up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoy the next chapter!
> 
> My best wishes to my dearest [shadowcat](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowcat221b/pseuds/Shadowcat221b), who doesn't feel well. I hope this makes you feel a little better!!!!

* * *

Dean didn’t know what to make of the fact that Sam’s soulmate was a guy. He’d always pictured his baby brother with a wife and children. Sam had never dated a guy before, so Dean had to fight the urge to act like the overprotective brother he actually was.

He almost sprinted to the car right the second it became apparent Sam’s soulmate was a guy.

 

Sam had spent almost every day since their first run-in with his soulmate Gabriel. Dean watched Sam like a hawk and could tell that every day when he came home, he was in a little deeper.

Now, three weeks later, Dean was finally allowed to meet Gabriel.

 

It was Thanksgiving and because Castiel — who, to Dean’s shock was Gabriel’s brother (Dean couldn’t help but make fun of Sam for that) — was out of town to celebrate with other relatives, they had invited Gabriel over.

 

Dean and Bobby had spent most of the day in the kitchen. Bobby always made the turkey and stuffing, no one was ever allowed to touch it before it was done. The only thing, Dean was allowed to do were mashed potatoes, Brussel sprouts and cornbread while the pies were brought by Ellen and Jo. Not even Bobby was brave enough to argue with Ellen about the pies.

Sam usually made Mac’n’Cheese but if he didn’t stop silently freaking out soon, Dean would hit him with a spoon.

“For God’s sake, Sammy! I’m not gonna eat your soulmate! But if you don’t stop pacing this instant I _might_ threaten him!”

“But—“, Sam started.

“Enough, boys!”, Bobby interrupted and gave orders. “Sam, Mac’n’Cheese ain’t gonna cook themselves. You wanna be done with cooking when Gabriel is coming? Then get your ass in gear. Dean, don’t burn the mashed potatoes or Ellen’s gonna kick ya ass.”

Dean could swear, he heard Bobby mumble “Idjits” under his breath but he wasn’t gonna start unnecessary fights today. It would only end with him being banned from the pies (it happened before and he would never risk that again, ever! No pies on Thanksgiving — Dean’s been to literal Hell!).

For a while they were cooking in silence.

Dean thanked all the God’s he didn’t believe in that the bell rang the moment Sam finished his part of Thanksgiving dinner and before he could annoy Dean any further.

Instead he moved to open the door before Dean or Bobby could even react. Looking at each other, they turned back to their own tasks, giving Sam and Gabriel a moment to themselves.

A minute later, Sam cleared his throat causing Dean and Bobby to turn around.

Sam stood in the doorway, a smaller man with a huge excited grin on his face at his side. He seemed tiny, next to Sam.

“Guys, this is Gabriel. Gabe, this is my brother Dean and Bobby.”

Dean didn’t know what to make of Gabriel and it took him a moment too long to shake his hand. Gabriel didn’t seem bothered.

“It is so great, to finally meet you guys. Sam’s talking about you a lot.”

“That so? Well, it’s good to meet you, too, Gabriel.”

“Thank you so much for the invitation. It means a lot.”

“‘Course ya welcome here. And are y’all gonna get out of my way and set the table now? Ellen’s gonna be here soon.”

 

“So, Gabriel, why did you move to Sioux Fall?” Dean asked while he was pulling plates from the cupboards.

“Mostly because I wanted to escape my family. I know, you probably can’t relate but my family is just a big mess. Too many siblings with too man ongoing fights. One day I had enough and just booked a flight to wherever. Cassie followed me. He never really fit in with the others. And with him it’s peaceful, so I didn’t mind.”

 

Dean narrowed his eyes at Gabriel. “What did your family say when you left?”

“Dean!” Sam’s voice showed clearly that he disapproved of Dean’s question.

“It’s alright, Sam. I’ve been gone before, actually. They took it harder the first time. Was a bit messy back then. But this time they mostly supported me ’n Castiel.”

“Huh.”

Dean wasn’t really happy that Sam’s soulmate had so readily left his family behind. He was gonna have a word with Gabriel about leaving and breaking Sam’s heart, later.

Shaking his head, Sam said, “Dean, is that really necessary? I asked you _not_ to interrogate Gabe.”

“Would you want me to interrogate the cat instead?”

Sam snorted, getting the reference.  
“I’m fine with it”, Gabriel said, “as long as no-one kills the deputy.”

Dean laughed at that one. Apparently, Gabriel knew ‘Dr. Sexy M.D.’. Sam shot Gabriel a betrayed look when Dean clapped his shoulder and said, “I like this one, Sammy.”

 

The doorbell rang, announcing Ellen and Jo. None of them moved, Dean still wanting to get Gabe alone for a moment, which Sam clearly didn’t want — probably afraid they would bond over a TV show. He knew Dean too well.  
“I ain’t raised ya to be ungrateful hosts, Dean, get the door. Ellen has the pies.”

Sighing, Dean went to open the door.

“How my favorite ladies? Happy Thanksgiving to you!” He said, enthusiastically when he embraced Jo and Ellen while carefully balancing the pies, they thrust in his hands.

“Happy Thanksgiving, Dean”, they grinned up at him.

“The others are in the kitchen.”

When they entered the kitchen, there was a warm welcome and friendly introduction of Gabriel. Dean was kind of surprised that none of them had threatened Gabe yet. He only didn’t because Sam was there and had asked him not to but he hadn’t thought that Bobby and Ellen were as considerate as him.

Gabriel was joking almost constantly. But Dean liked him. He was glad to see that Gabe really liked Sam, judging by the way he looked at Sam, like he was something precious and wondrous. 

 

They set the table with all the goods and got comfortable. Dean handed out glasses of wine and got a beer for Bobby, Gabriel and himself.  
Only the turkey was missing on the table because it was still in the oven. Gabriel offered to help Dean with it and suddenly, Dean had his chance to talk to him. He just didn’t know how to start.

When they pulled the (admittedly, too large) turkey out of the oven, Gabriel took it out of the Dean’s hands.

“Go ahead, tell me to always be kind and loving to your baby-brother. Tell me to never hurt him and keep him save. Tell me if I don’t, you’ll kill me. Because, really, if I ever did anything to hurt him, I’d deserve it.”

Gabriel sounded more serious than all afternoon. But there was still laughter in his voice. Like he knew, Dean had wanted to say those things so badly. His voice had a bitter note to it that made Dean wonder, if maybe Gabriel had been the well-protected baby brother once. It was so sincere, though, so full of utter hatred merely thinking about hurting Sam. A broad smile appeared on Dean’s face.

“No”, he said. “I think I don’t have to tell you those things anymore. I don’t have to tell you not to hurt Sammy because you won’t. And I don’t have to tell you because even _if_ you hurt Sam, he’d do it himself. And if he didn’t, _you’d_ do it. You would hate yourself too much for it, wouldn’t you?”

It was more of a rhetorical question. By the way the silence around them grew heavy, when they looked at each other, searching each others faces, was answer enough.

It was enough for Dean, for now.

“You gonna take the turkey and I’ll grab the meat saw?”, he changed the subject.  
“Sure”, Gabe grinned.

 

The meal was good. It was fun. Gabriel and Dean ganged up on Sam for a while, before Sam and Jo — and Bobby — ganged up on Dean. Gabriel laughed at Dean, instead of rescuing him, which Dean took personally.

They all got chided by Ellen at least once, for good measure, before she started ganging up on Dean, too.

He knew, they did it because he could take it. Also it was kind of their way to show affection. None of them used normal words for that. Not really. So he was okay with it.

 

He observed Sam and Gabriel a little, how they interacted. He was happy that his brother found his soulmate, that he was so obviously happy. But it also made him miss that part of him that was so obviously not here because there were still colors missing in his line of sight. Only grey in the sky. Only grey were the shirts of Ellen and Bobby.

 

Nonetheless, Dean was okay with what he had right now. He might not be absolutely happy but at least content because he was eating himself into a food coma and had this beautiful family that cared about him and love him and he couldn’t ask for more.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot in good consciences let you guys live without my friend [bunteslicht's](http://archiveofourown.org/users/buntesLicht/pseuds/buntesLicht) comments about the potato mashing and the pies.  
> So here you go:
> 
> "Now i see dean angrily mashing potatoes murmuring „i’m not gay“ MASH „i’m not“ MASH u go dean go mash the potato."
> 
> "now we know: dean in hell, chained. Alistair eating. Pies. And pies. And pies. Dean can only watch, helpless. A single tear runs down his face as he breaks inside."


	5. t-3 weeks, t-2.5 weeks

* * *

 

_t-3 weeks_

“Morning, Sammy! Did you sleep here?”, Dean asked, as he entered Bobby’s kitchen, still half-asleep.  
“No, I’m just here to pick up some flowers from the yard. Gotta head out again in a few. I made you some coffee. You should drink it before it’s cold.”

“Aww. Sammy, you’re the best. So caring.”

Sam snorted, as Dean poured himself a mug and sat down next to him.

“So, how’s Gabe?”, Dean asked after a moment of silence.

“He’s great. Nice to know you care about him. You didn’t ask me, how _I_ was. But yeah, he’s great. We’re gonna go to the movies tonight.”

Sam had a bright smile on his face when he talked about Gabe. Not that Dean would admit it but he felt a pang of jealousy in his chest. Sam appeared so happy and Dean wanted that, too.

“And what about Cassiel? Still watching the bees?” He changed the subject.

“His name’s _Castiel,_ Dean.”, Sam replied, aggravated.

“I’m just gonna call him Cas. Can’t do nothing wrong with that.”

Sam smiled a little. “He’d like that name.”

“Whatever, bitch!” Dean dismissed, waving his hand and moving towards the bathroom.

“See ya later, jerk!” Sam called after him.

 

* * *

 

_t-2.5 weeks_

 

“Finally. What took you so long?”, Dean asked annoyed, shifting the groceries in his arms.

“Sorry, sorry”, Sam rushed to say, “I met Cas in the other aisle. Hey, I want you guys to meet sometime.”

Dean had just managed to dodge a confrontation with Crowley — guy was the _worst_. He had been an asshole in high school and Dean _swears_ , he was a demon now. Dean’s body seemed to agree, judging by the warning shiver that went down his back at the sight of the other man — and he wasn’t fancying any other conversation right now.  
“Yeah, well, not today”, Dean said, not wasting a single thought about Sam’s employee. “You ready to go? Burger time, haha!” He said grinning and Sam followed him to the cashier.

 

The burgers were the best Dean had cooked in a while. He even had the kindness to prepare salad for Sam.

“So, what do you wanna watch tonight?”, Sam asked as he entered the kitchen.

“Dr. Sexy M.D.!”, Dean said with determination.

“Ugh, Dean, really? That would be the what — third time? Doesn’t it get boring after a while?”

Dean laughed at him, while he put the plates out. “Nah, man, never.”

Sam only raised his eyebrows, as Dean put down the salad bowl in front of him. He pointed at it and exclaimed “You owe me, Sammy!”

“Yeah, right,” Sam shook his head.

 

Dean was glad to spend some time with Sam and that he wasn’t with Gabriel just for once.

It had felt like months, even though it’s been a few weeks that they’ve last seen each other. Rationally, Dean knew that Sam wanted to spend time with his soulmate. But still, even since Sam moved out, they’ve been spending almost every evening together and it was weird, now that they didn’t. So, Dean had called Sam at the shop and told him, “We’re gonna do burgers tonight. You and me. And TV. I’ll pick ya up. See ya later, bitch.” Of course, the only answer had been “Jerk” which was fine by Dean.

* * *

 


	6. t-3 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer than the last and was a lot of fun to write.
> 
> Have fun!

 

* * *

 

“Goddammit!”, Dean yelled, jumping on one foot.  
“Dean? Are you okay?”, Jo’s concerned voice reached him before she came into view.

“The stupid wrench fell on my foot”, Dean complained, making the mistake to kick said wrench with his other foot, the one that didn’t hurt. At least up to this point. It only resulted in more cursing and yelling.

Jo seemed to overthink her choice to check for Dean. Before she could retreat and leave him alone in his misery again, Dean sighed, “It’s okay, Jo.”

“I am not certain if I should give you a gun or a hug”, Jo stated.

Dean gave her the stink eye but opened his arms in an invitation. “Maybe both?”, he suggested, as Jo closed her arms around him in a tight hug. She chuckled but didn’t deny his request.

They stood there hugging for a while, Dean gradually relaxing and only let go when Bobby’s gruff voice informed them, “I’m paying y’all to work, not for exchanging pleasantries!”

After that, Dean got back to work while Jo sat down on the hood of car Dean was currently repairing.

“So, what’s up?”, she asked.

“What, I thought we were gonna shoot and hug it out? No chick-flick moments involved.”

Dean pretended to be occupied by the engine but he could feel Jo’s eyes boring into his head, silently waiting for him to break. He knew she wouldn’t leave until he talked. Still, it took a few minutes for him to find the courage and tell her what was on his mind.

“It’s just — Sam.”, he admitted quietly, talking to the engine.

“Is he in trouble?”, Jo sounded alarmed.

“No,” Dean quickly denied.

“But…”

“It’s just. He spends so much time with Gabriel. And I feel like I barely see him anymore.”

“Dean Winchester!”, Jo’s voice boomed through the garage, barely containing the laughter.  
“Are you telling me you’re jealous of Gabriel?”

Dean glared at her while she calmed down a little. She was actually quite serious when she said “You have to get out, Dean. After work, we’re gonna go to the shooting range and then we’ll head for the Roadhouse. Deal?”

“Okay.”

With a smile and a clap on his shoulder, Jo went back to her own work station.

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

When Dean and Jo entered the Roadhouse, Dean breathed in the familiar smell that was now mixed with Christmas smells — cinnamon and cardamom. Dean was as stunned as every year to see what Ellen manage to pull. The Christmas spirit was almost tangible.

“I’m gonna get us something to drink, go grab a seat”, Jo ordered and Dean wisely obeyed.

He dropped in his favorite booth at the far back with view of the pool table. He waved his hand when Ellen looked over. Despite his bad mood earlier that day, he managed a real smile.

He was relaxed, now that he had been able to shake off some of the bitterness. Being in company helped, not that he’d admit that.

“Thanks”, Dean said, as Jo put down a beer in front of him.

  
They were sitting in comfortable silence for a while, watching some college boys play pool. Dean debated if he should crash their party and hustle them but deemed it not worth some poor college guys’ wrath. Especially since Christmas was drawing close. Dean let out a little snort. ‘Drawing close’ didn’t really cut it, since Christmas Eve was the next day.

“What?”, Jo asked suspiciously.

“Did you get all our presents already?”

This resulted in Jo snorting as well. “Dean, I’m actually a reasoning human being. I — unlike some other people, namely the Winchester’s and Singer’s — buy presents early enough to avoid last-minute christmas shopping.”

“Oh really?”, Dean replied, his voice dripping of sarcasm. “Then it must have been Jess, bearing no gifts last Christmas? Did I mix that up? My bad!”

“Well, I did get presents this year, okay?!”, glaring, Jo got up, kissing Charlie who just entered. Dean couldn't resist the gagging noises.

“Oh, grow up, will ya!”

“Ow! Dammit, Jo!” Dean yelled, rubbing the back of his head where Jo had cuffed him. Charlie just rolled his eyes and sat next to Jo.

“What’s up, Dean-o? Too many soulmates around you, too few of them yours?”, she asked.

“Nah, the only soulmate I need is my Baby. Gonna take her and drive into the sunset.”

"Pff, you're secretly the greatest romantic there is. Just wait till you find your soulmate. You'll be a goner right away. Oh, hey Sam!", Jo said as Sam crumbled down on the seat next to Dean.

"Hey Jo", was all he said, thankfully interrupting the conversation. Instead, Jo changed the topic to something less mortifying.

"Sammy, what's wrong?", Dean asked when Sam just sat there quietly and didn't participate at all in the heated discussion whether apple pie should be eaten with whipped cream or not.

"Huh? Nothing, sorry. Just — thinking.”

“This isn’t your ‘thinking face’ it’s your ‘kicked puppy’ face. Did Gabriel do something?”, Dean asked cautiously.

“What, Dean, no! It’s okay, really. I’m _fine_.” Sam said with emphasis.

Dean let it slide, even though Sam didn’t look fine. For now, it wasn't his business. If Sam wasn't acting less weird the next day, he could still make him talk.

So he turned back to Jo and exclaimed, “Apple pie is a national food and whipped cream is just a horrific invention of some poor bastards that can’t handle the sweet love of apple pie. I swear, they even have a law in Wisconsin that states they are not allowed to serve apple pie with any topping — especially not _whipped cream_ \- in public place.”

Jo snorted. “I’d bet my ass, you just made that up!”

“You’re _on_ — if you’re wrong, I get your ass. And if you’re right?”

“Dean, I am taken”, she said with an eye roll.

“Well, then, I get to enjoy looking at your ass when you are washing my car”, Dean grinned mischievously, “Charlie won’t mind.”

Jo raised her eyebrows but wasn’t one to deny a good bet. “If you loose, _you_ are going to wash your car in public. In shorts. So I get to enjoy _your_ ass.”

Dean narrowed his eyes at her raised hand and after a moment of hesitation took it.

“I am only shaking your hand because I know I am right. ‘Cause, baby, I don’t do shorts.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Cassie? You home?”

“I am in the kitchen, Gabriel”, came the muffled answer.

“I gotta talk to y— what in Dad’s name are you doing?” Gabriel stopped in the doorway.

Castiel stood at the kitchen counter and held a dragon fruit in one hand and an artichoke in the other. Irritated, he answered “I try to accustom myself to the process of ‘cooking’, as you told me to do. What did you want to talk about?”

“But why are you — never mind.” Gabriel paused. But there was no way he would get around this.

“I just wanted to let you know that I told Sam.”

“I don’t know what you are referring to, Gabriel.” Cas seemed to get only grumpier. Which was not necessarily a good point to start this conversation.

“About us. I told him about us.” Gabriel sighed.

Castiel turned around slowly. “What do you mean, you ‘told him about us’?”, he asked, a warning in his voice.

“Oh please, Cassie. You’re the one who introduced himself as an ‘Angel of the Lord’ to a fucking cashier at a grocery store, before I explained you into great detail why you shouldn’t do that. And don’t _you_ plan on telling your soulmate about what you _are_?”, Gabe answered, eyebrows raised.

“I — didn’t think about that. How did Sam take it?”, Castiel inquired.

“Quite well. He was a little quiet afterwards. But he went to see Dean and Jo in the Roadhouse. He’ll manage. I wouldn’t’ve told him yet, if he couldn’t handle it and keep it to himself.”

After a moment of narrow-eyed staring, Castiel silently turned back to his cooking attempt.

* * *

 


	7. t-1 day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day before Christmas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is rather short, but I still hope you enjoy!
> 
> My dear shadowcat, I hope this cheers you up!

* * *

Dean had been growing restless, the past two days. Sam was still acting weird but he was never telling anything. It was frustrating.

The day before Christmas, Dean went over to Sam’s for dinner and to pick him up so he could stay over at Bobby’s place for the holidays.

At one point, Dean asked, if Gabe and Cas would still come for Christmas Dinner the next day, since apparently _something_ was wrong.

“Of course, they are. What is wrong with you, Dean? Even if I had a dispute with him, even if we argued. He’s still my soulmate. Do you have _that_ little faith that we could work it out? Are you that desperate to see more of me again?”

That stung.  
“I just don’t want to see you hurt, is all!”, Dean retreated, trying not to get too defensive, as Sam stumped to his bedroom.

Dean couldn’t help but crossing his arms. He liked Gabe. He really did but he was still lonely since Sam spent so much less time with him. And he truly didn’t want to see Sam hurt. But he also didn’t want to cause trouble and therefore himself might be the reason that Sam was hurt.

He shook his head. This was getting confusing. He was good with cars, not a shrink.

The restlessness grew even more, now that he sat alone in Sam’s small kitchen.

He grabbed his car keys, yelled “I’m gonna bring Jo and Ellen their presents, I’ll pick you up later!” as an excuse and left the apartment.

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

When he left the Roadhouse — where he'd actually given Jo, Charlie, Ellen and Ash the presents from Bobby, Sam and himself and received a few presents for them in return, next to a beer — he leaned against the Impala and took a few deep, relaxing breaths.

 

Ellen wasn't a fool. She had sensed how tense and jittery he was but she didn’t press, after Dean told her he had an argument with Sam.

She had raised an eyebrow, though, clearly not believing this was the only reason. Dean didn’t believe it himself but couldn't pinpoint what exactly was wrong.

 

The cold air smelled of snow and the sky was clear. It actually calmed Dean down, to just stand there for a while.

At least it made him calmer, until he felt a warning, ticklish sensation in the nape of his neck. Like he was watched.

He turned around but couldn’t see anyone, so he shook his head and closed his eyes.

The sensation only got stronger. Dean tried to ignore it but when he heard footsteps from behind, he jumped.

 

“Whoa, there, bud!”  
The man stopped, his hands in the air.

“Didn’t mean, to give ya a fright”, he said in a heavy southern drawl.

He moved around the Impala, slowly, like Dean was a deer in the headlights.

Well, Dean probably acted like this but he had himself under control now. So he gave the other man a wave.

“It’s okay, I just was thinking about stuff.”

When the other man stood three steps from Dean, Dean was able to make out most of his face. It was pretty dark because the Roadhouse sign was busted — thanks to some stupid kids.

The man looked like a sailor. White shirt, dark coat and a hat. It was a good look on him.

“I’m Benny”, he said, extending a hand.

“Dean”, Dean replied, impressed by Benny’s strong handshake.

“Whatcha doin’ out here, brother?”

“Headed home, actually.” Dean smiled apologetic and scratched his neck, where the ticklish sensation was still flaring.

“So early? Don’tcha wanna grab a drink together instead?”

Dean wasn’t stupid. He might not be a genius like Sam but there were some things he was just good at. One was mechanics and the other was flirting.

And this guy, Benny, he was flirting pretty blatantly, leaning against the Impala with one hand next to Dean’s head.

And Dean would _love_ the distraction, love the attention he would get, would love to get laid again and to feel good again.

But tonight was not the night. Sammy was waiting and if Dean was one thing, he was reliable when it came to Sammy.

So he smiled, “Benny, I’d love to, honestly. But I have some stuff to do tonight.”

When the other man’s face fell, Dean added, “Maybe another time?”

This elicited a smile from Benny. “Sure.”

He produced a pen and scribbled his number on Dean’s hand.

Then he put his hand on Dean’s shoulder, squeezed tightly and said with a smile,

“Call me”, before he turned around and marched towards the roadhouse.

Dean smiled and looked at his hand. He would definitely call Benny.

When he got into his car to pick up Sam, he scratched his shoulder, which still tingled. Benny had a tight grip.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise, you won't have to wait for much longer, for Dean and Cas to meet. They will meet in the next chapter.  
> Thanks for staying with me!


	8. t=0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, thank you all for believing in me (concerning my finals)! And thank you even more for your beautiful comments! They were warming my heart!  
> Cause I'm also just a girl, talking about a headcanon and transforming it into a fic.:P
> 
> Enjoy reading, my loves!

* * *

When Dean came downstairs on the morning of Christmas Eve, everything was decorated in green and red — there wasn’t a lot of blue in the house, anyway, because Bobby’s wife had blue eyes and the grey was only a painful reminder. Dean was mostly glad about it. The less grey he had to see, the less he was thinking about it and waiting longingly. Over Christmas, Sam placed the tree right in front of the only picture with a lot of blue — or grey — so it wouldn’t be so painful for Bobby.

 

Sam must’ve been up since five to have the time for all of these decorations. Bobby probably hadn’t helped. When they were younger, he’d only put out two boxes of Christmas decoration and gruffly told them to put it up the way they wanted.

It became a tradition, where usually Sam was the only one really decorating.

Over the years they had been developing a method so no one would get into each other’s way. Bobby cleaned the house, Sam decorated the house and especially the tree and Dean had the honor of cooking.

This year his plans were a little different than usual, they were gonna have guests after all and the usual goose wasn’t really what he wanted to serve for dinner.

 

Sam sat at the kitchen table, a book and coffee in hand.  
"You done decorating?"

"Yep."

"So why don’t ya go help Bobby and get outta my way?" Dean was already moving, pulling out pans and ingredients.

"Because you’re a jerk and I like bugging you?" Sam suggested and slipped a mug of steaming coffee into Dean’s hand.

"You know, I don’t know whether to sip on this coffee or spill it over your head, bitch."

"Nah, you wouldn’t." Sam grinned at him, leaning against the counter. "It’s christmas and you love me."

With narrowed eyes, Dean said "Try me."

Sam put his hands up in surrender, moving to the door.

"So you’re still not telling me what you’re cooking?"

"Nope." Dean grinned and shooed Sam out of the room.

 

Closing the door he sighed and got to work.

He had planned to cook a potato gratin and lamb filet. A salad with goat’s cheese wrapped in bacon strips for starters. As a dessert he would make pie (totally unexpected, this one).

Dean started with the pies — they took longest. He could prepare the potatoes — cut them, put them in the dish and season them. After that he moved to rinse the salad and prepared the cheese and dressing. The rest he’d need to finish later.

When he was done, he opened the kitchen door and let the smell of pies and cinnamon fill the house.

Dean went upstairs to take a shower. On his bed, he found a red and white Christmas sweater that Sam had put there, pointedly — Christmas sweaters were a tradition enforced by Sam. It was a rule to never be broken and the one time Dean had tried, well. It had been the exact same year that Sam was finally taller and stronger than Dean. Worst decision of Dean’s life!

He put on the sweater, with a sigh and allowed himself to feel comforted by the warm wool, just for a moment. Even though he put on a masquerade for good measure, he secretly liked how soft and warm these sweaters were.

 

Bobby and Sam sat in the living room, when Dean came back downstairs.

He joined them and rolled his eyes when Sam pulled out 'Ludo'.

Being the good brother he was, he didn’t complain (much).

 

The game was an all-red version. There weren’t many people with red-eyed soulmates which made all-red games pretty popular — especially people that lost their soulmate didn’t necessarily like to be reminded of it by a game.

And despite this being a stupid game, Dean found himself relaxed and enjoying the competition with his younger brother.

 

Soon enough, it was time for Dean to get up and finish cooking. His stomach was growling already because he hadn’t eaten anything but a sandwich and pie batter.

Gabriel and Cas would arrive soon and he wanted dinner to be ready by then.

The gratin was in the oven and Dean was just preparing the salad bowls for everyone and frying the cheese in bacon, when the doorbell rang.

A moment later, voices were audible form the hallway.

 

A warmth went through Dean and his heart filled with excitement and the moment he took the pan from the stove, the smell of bacon and cheese hitting him, something like an electric shock went through him. A combination of pleasure and fire that surged through him, tingling through every nerve fibre of his body. It felt like every nerve ending contracted, retreated to the centre of his chest looking for cover, a place to hide. Still it felt compelling and a longing ache built up in him, thirsting for the touch-like feeling.

He almost dropped the pan at the sensation.

“Whoa”, he mumbled under his breath. 

The tingling in his veins subsided, only leaving behind a dull throb in his shoulder.

He shook his head, wondering since when stoves electrocuted people but there were probably weirder things and it was nothing he had the time to think about right now.

Quickly, he finished the salads for everyone and went to the living room to greet their guests.

 

Scratching his shoulder, he entered the living room and was struck by the sight of a dark haired man in a red Christmas sweater, with _glitter_ on it.

Even more striking, though, were the man’s eyes. They were grey — not that that was particularly uncommon for Dean to look at — many people had grey eyes. But this man’s eyes, they seemed to stare _into_ him rather than _at_ him. He was fascinated and only realized after a moment that he was staring.

Clearing his throat, he extended a hand.

_That’s Cas_ , Dean’s mind supplied him helpfully, not a second to late.

“Hey, Cas”, he said, “I’m Dean. It’s great to finally meet you. I mean, you’ve been working with my baby bro for months now. And Gabe and Sam are soulmates, so it’s about time we meet.”

 

Cas cocked his head to one side in a cute little motion, before he took Dean’s hand.

With a rasping voice (Dean figured it was because Cas didn’t use his voice all that much, from what he gathered from Sam’s tellings), Castiel answered.

“Hello, Dean. It is — nice to finally meet you, too.”

There was a tugging at Dean’s heart, like it wanted to tell him something, Cas’ warm touch searing through his fingers. He shook the sensation, a little uncertain and put off by it, remembering the food waiting for him in the kitchen. 

 

Dean grinned.

“Hey, Gabe”, he called over Castiel’s shoulder and received a wave in return. Gabriel wore a glittery sweater, as well and it didn’t seem all that odd anymore that Cas was wearing one. Gabriel would threaten him into one.

Scratching over his shoulder, Dean motioned the other’s to sit.

“Salad’s ready. Sit down, guys. I’m getting hungry over here!”

“Do you need any help?” Cas voice interrupted Dean’s retreat to the kitchen.

“You’ll help most by just sitting down and relaxing.” Dean assured.  
“Alright.” Cas didn’t sound convinced but did as he was told.

 

Dinner was nice.

Conversations with Gabriel were fun in general. Dean loved making Sam squirm in his seat and Gabriel enjoyed it too, most certainly.

But Dean found that dragging information out of Cas’ was rather fun, too. Cas had some hermit-like traits but he didn’t seem all that bad.

He always was thinking over his answers, like he was afraid to say something wrong, like he could blow his cover created by a federal agency. Dean thought it was adorable.

 

And if Gabriel gave him a few weird looks throughout the dinner and also narrowed his eyes at Cas a few times, Dean pretended he didn’t notice. He was relieved when Sam started to tell anecdotes from middle school, though, because Gabriel was after every little piece of information (and probably blackmailing material) he could get about Sam’s childhood, so he didn’t give Dean anymore looks.

When Sam started with stories about Dean, he groaned, embarrassed and tried to direct the conversations back to saver topics, before Bobby could start with the _really embarrassing_ shit.

 

When they finished eating — with much praise for Dean’s food — they put the plates away and migrated to the couch.

The conversations ebbed down for a while because everyone grew tired, they were so stuffed.

It was a good feeling, just sitting there, relaxing, with a full stomach and family surrounding him, Dean decided.

Looking at Sam on the couch, who had an arm around Gabriel and put a light kiss to his temple, at Bobby in his armchair, a book forgotten in his lap and engrossed in a conversation with Castiel, about the necessity of bee-keeping, Dean realized, he was _happy_. Not only content but truly happy. Still, there was a slight tingling, a buzzing thought he couldn't get a hold of, in the back of his mind.

Castiel seemed more talkative about this particular topic than he was all evening. And Dean enjoyed listening to Castiel’s excited tone when their conversation shifted — to religion of all things. He couldn’t help but to be caught up in the way Castiel talked about a verse from the bible. He managed to make it sound like a tale. But in a way that suggested he’d actually _been_ there. Dean found himself hanging on his every word.

When Castiel finished this little story, the room was silent. Even Gabriel, who’s mouth hang open a little, like he just heard this for the first time, as well, was quiet. Like he understood something he never had before.

It took a while, for the conversations to return to the light weighed topics.

They talked long into the night, before Gabriel and Castiel got up to bid their goodbyes.

Dean was amazed that he hadn’t minded the company and that he wasn’t tired of it yet, in fact, he felt a little disappointed that they already left.

But it was late and all of them were dead beat.

 

“Thanks for having us”, Gabriel said, giving Dean a clap on his shoulder which tingled under the force of it and shaking Bobby’s hand.

“‘Course.” Bobby’s voice was gruff but Dean knew he meant it when he said, “You’re always welcome here.”

“Thank you, Dean”, Castiel said, his warm hand enclosing Dean’s.

“Sure. It was nice to finally meet you”, Dean said, honestly.

Cas smiled and stepped out of the door. Gabe followed suit after kissing Sam and mumbling “Merry Christmas” against his mouth.

Dean grinned and yelled a “Merry Christmas to you, too!” after them before he closed the door.

 

He shook his head. “What a night.”

Bobby grunted, lifted his hand in a half wave and left with a “G’night, boys.”

“Night, Bobby.” Sam and Dean said at the same time.

“Night, Dean.” With a clap on Dean’s back, Sam headed to bed, too.

“Night, Sammy. Merry Christmas.”

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you don't hate me (yet).
> 
> Remember the thing with where Dean gets the electric shock;)


	9. t+1 day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since y'all asked so nicely, I don't wanna be like that. Here's a treat for the night. It's a little short and a bit foreshadowing.  
> Enjoy, my lovely readers!

* * *

Dean spent his day in a food coma once again and didn’t plan to get out of the house at all. It was snowing and one could barely see their own hand in front of their eyes.

They exchanged their red and green wrapped gifts in the morning. Sam gave Dean an amulet which Dean affectionately dubbed ‘Samulet’ as he pulled it over his head.

 

Due to the cold he, Bobby and Sammy spent their time cooped up in front of the fireplace, reading.

Dean felt warm. He felt at home and as comfortable as he didn’t in a long time. Just his family and him.

Still, for some reason there had been a tingling feeling that he couldn’t name. It was like there was a piece missing in all of this. It was there but it also wasn’t.

It made him giddy and he read much slower than usual. Instead, his thoughts wandered to Benny, accompanied by the tingling where Benny had patted and squeezed his shoulder.

 

At one point, Sam interrupted the comfortable silence.

“Thanks that Gabe and Cas could come over.”

“‘Course, Sam, it was nice to have them over”, Bobby said, gruffly.

“Yeah, Sammy, Castiel is adorable, even though he’s kind of a hermit.”  
This resulted in Bobby hitting Dean over the head with his newspaper.

“Ow!”

“Be nice. This ain’t the way I raised you!”

“I said he was adorable! What’s wrong with that? And you have to admit, he kinda was”, Dean grinned.

“Don’t give me that, boy. Y’know what I’m talking ‘bout.”

“Okay, Bobby. I am sorry, Bobby. It won’t happen again, Bobby”, Dean chanted.

Bobby rolled his eyes and went back to reading the newspaper.

After a moment, he cleared his throat and kept his eyes on the articles when he said “And just so you boys know, I’m proud of you.”

The silence turned awkward because once a Winchester, always a Winchester — and feelings and chick-flick moments just weren’t a thing the Winchester family did.

No-one said anything for a while, only the fire crackled in the background.

Then Sammy smiled and said “We know, Bobby. We know.”

“Good”, Bobby said and lifted his head. “Now, would ya go back to reading and let me read?”

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

In the evening, they watched [Nosferatu](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nosferatu), a German silent film, Bobby produces from _somewhere_ every Christmas much to Dean and Sam’s suffering. But after this heartwarming thing Bobby had said earlier — which none of them would ever mention — they kinda had to watch it without complaint.

And if that hadn’t been Bobby’s plan all along, Dean didn’t know what was.

Weirdly enough it was a movie they always had been watching — the only movie ever mentioning supernatural life Bobby actually cared for them to watch. When Dean asked him, why they watched it on Christmas, when they first moved in, Bobby had answered that it was a tradition his wife had established. So Dean had put it of as fiction as far as Sammy was concerned. It worked better with every year to convince even himself.

For some reason, Ellen Hutter reminded him of Cas. While Count Orlok made him think of Benny and it was definitely not what he wanted to see Benny as. Because Benny was hot and Count Orlok was really — vampire-like looking. And what made that Dean in this equation? Thomas Hutter? With this weird tension going on between Hutter and Orlok.

Dean chose that this was something he should not think about, for his own peace of mind. Vampires. Not the best love interest. So he tried to banish this particular thought from his night until he bid the other two goodnight and headed to bed.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For consistency's sake, let's all ignore that fact, that they colored the whole Nosferatu movie (one scene completely yellow, the next completely purple and so on, so there's probably some blue, too). It's still a black and white movie and for my sake, lets say there's no fucking blue anywhere near Dean!


	10. t+2 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's to you.  
> It's nothing long either but at least something happens, I guess.

* * *

Dean was late for work.

Even after the lazy day before he still managed to miss his alarm.

 

Now he was cursing as he made his way into town. Bobby didn’t like it when Dean or anyone else was late for work. But Dean had to go pick something up from the store.

The streets were empty and the most cars buried under the unusual amount of snow.

  
It was freezing and grey clouds were still hanging over the town. The cold came through every pore of the Impala.

 

The parking lot of the crafting store was mostly empty and the signs completely covered by snow.

 

Shaking snow off his boots he entered the store, neon orange signs flashing from everywhere and walked straight to the shelves full of screwdrivers in the familiarity of the store.

 

There was a clerk behind the counter, reading a magazine and not really interested the few costumers that actually were there on a day like this. Dean could relate. He would've loved to stay at home. The tingling feeling never ceased but it started to feel less comfortable, instead bringing a nagging loneliness that grew over the last hour especially since he left the house.

When he got the screwdrivers he needed, the tingling feeling grew stronger and there was a pull somewhere behind his belly. It felt weird but he tried to ignore it. He was probably just gonna get sick.

_Don’t give in to sickness, just tell yourself you’re not gonna get sick._

That’s the Winchester Way.

 

Screwdrivers in hand he made his way back to the cashier.

He turned around a corner and the counter came into sight. A man with dark hair and a trench coat just picked up a bucket of color. Dean thought that he looked vaguely familiar, couldn’t place him though because he only saw his back. Frowning he stared at the man, trying to out who it was.

 

Then, everything seemed to happen at once.

The pull in his belly turned almost painful and Dean almost doubled over.

The guy in the trench coat turned to leave and his tie flashed as it was dislocated by the man’s arm.

 

It was blue.

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

In this moment, Dean’s whole world turned upside down, thoughts running through his head.

_This is what blue looks like — I met my soulmate — he must be my soulmate — blue, blue, blue — what a beautiful color — is he my soulmate? — I wanna see the sky and sea! — blue! I’m gonna wait for the sky to open up as soon as I’m outside. blueblueblue — Why is he not stopping? Didn’t he realize? I haven’t seen his eyes. — WAIT, I haven’t seen his eyes, so he cannot be my soulmate, can he? — I didn’t see his eyes. I must have seen my soulmates eyes before. — But I didn’t meet anyone else today. The last time I met someone was — Benny… — Benny_ _is my soulmate?_

All these thoughts ran through his head in the time it took for the trench coat guy to walk out the store.

Dean was still shocked and stood rooted to the spot.

Benny. His soulmate. He wondered how he had not realized before, in the night they met. He should have, shouldn’t he? Of course, it had been dark. There was no chance he could have made out any change in color around him. And apparently, the last two days he had managed to avoid any kind of blue.

But shouldn’t he have been able to _sense_ that he was talking to his soulmate or something? Sammy had been ecstatic. Dean had been attracted to Benny, sure. Dude was hot. But the kind of connection that Sam seemed to have with Gabriel? Dean didn’t think his attraction was comparable. And he couldn’t exactly imagine himself to act like Gabriel and Sam — they didn’t let it on very often but they’d do _anything_ for each other.

 

After he could move again, Dean payed in auto mode, thoughts on Benny and _blue._

The clouds hadn’t cleared out when he got outside. Dean was disappointed but looked around for any blue objects. Anything he’d missed when he drove here. On the other side of the street, a blue mail box peaked out of the snow. None of the cars driving by were blue.

Benny. Dean still couldn’t believe it. Holy shit, he had a _soulmate_!

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hate me yet?  
> You should.
> 
> This is such a NoTP for me, it's sad I'm doing this to myself.


	11. t=0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Castiel knew that the pout on Gabe’s face was everything but sincere but he also knew that there was no way getting out of this whole thing. Because Gabriel was mischievous and a trickster._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just couldn't let you wait for too long. What with the pain and all. And my chapters are so short anyway.
> 
> If you wanna have more pain, then I think you might like some of my other works in the meantime, tbh. And if you wanna visit my [tumblr](http://sophoklesworld.tumblr.com) (not that there's a lot of SPN at the moment).
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter, I personally really like it because - well for reason.

* * *

Castiel still could not get accustomed to some human traditions. Of course he understood why they did it. But participating felt weird. Mostly because he seemed to always scare people off. He only said nice things. He had told this one woman that her parents’ divorce was not her fault. She freaked out and yelled at him. She must have misunderstood that he only meant well. When Mr. Banks had come to the flower shop and Cas had diagnosed his cancer, he had not been happy either. Castiel did not grasp humans.

This was one of the reasons why Castiel chose to not interact with more than a few humans, if possible.

Sam was different, for some reason. He tried not to listen to what Sam thought — which was really nothing he wanted to know, since Gabriel and Sam meant.

But apart from Sam, Castiel did not really want to be in mundane company.

 

Today it seemed he would not have any other chance.

“I do not understand why we would celebrate Father’s appearance as a human baby. He left us. And we are celestial beings — we are supposed to fight wars and not wear — _those things_!”, Castiel complained, holding up a red knitted sweater with a glitter reindeer on it in disdain.

Gabriel was already wearing a matching grey one with a silver glitter santa on it.

He grinned, “Come on, Cassie. Don’t look at me like that. We are going to celebrate with Sam and his family — great opportunity for you to meet ‘em. Ditch the accountant outfit for today and wear this sweater. C’mon, little brother, it’s _Christmas_! I handmade this sweater and it’s an insult if you’re not wearing it.”

Castiel knew that the pout on Gabe’s face was everything but sincere but he also knew that there was no way getting out of this whole thing. Because Gabriel was mischievous and a trickster.

“Alright, but I am not going to wear these things”, he capitulated, gesturing at the set of costume antlers glowing on Gabriel’s head.

“Okay, alright, no headdress for you, big baby. But now hurry, we gotta get going”, Gabriel answered. He rolled his eyes and with a snap of his fingers Castiel was dressed in black pants and the sweater.

 

A hideous sound came from Gabriel’s pocket. He pulled his phone out as he poked a finger in Castiel’s direction, motioning for him to wait while he answered.

“Ho ho ho, Sammy-babe”, Gabriel grinned as Sam asked something. “Yeah, we’ll be right there. See ya soon, moose-y-boo!”

With that he hung up and herded Castiel out of the house.

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

When Castiel entered Bobby Singer’s house, he felt the souls inside as he always did.

Every soul was different, deviating melodies and light radiating from them. The angels always felt and perceived souls in their vicinity. What these souls were thinking, they usually chose to tune out. Sometimes, though, a soul had such a great need for something, it was difficult to not listen.

Without even thinking about it, Castiel reached out to the souls. One was calm, an ocean of information buried in the deep song of the very core of this soul.

The second one, Castiel was familiar with. It belonged to Sam, who radiated pure warm and kind thoughts.

The last one was what got to Castiel. It felt like his own grace, he himself as a celestial being, was drawn to this soul. It shone brighter than any soul he had ever seen before in all the years he spent on this planet. It was like a pulsing light, flowing and extending something similar to hands to every direction with curious questions, protective thoughts, poking at new ideas.

The brightness pulled at Castiel’s senses, drew him in, accompanied by a song so pure and beautiful, seemingly creating a cocoon of safety and warmth. At the same time, the song spoke from such a need to feel love, to protect and of such great loss that it was impossible for Castiel not to _touch_.

As soon as Castiel’s consciousness came in contact with this soul, he was electrocuted. The feeling spread through all of his being, into the very tips of his wings. The soul, where it collided, retracted, like it was frightened, shocked, but he could feel it extending again, right away, curious and welcoming.

 

He was still standing in the hallway. Castiel wanted to touch the soul again but he knew he should not take that risk. It had been a risk the first time. Most human’s were not always capable of surviving an angel’s true form.

Sam stepped out of a room to give Gabriel a quick kiss and welcomed Castiel to his childhood home. Castiel felt the soul pulsing brightly behind Sam but let himself be led in the other direction, towards the living room.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, I know "moose-y-boo" is just awful. Makes it all the better and is _definitely_ something Gabe would say.


	12. t+2 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have like, half an hour left, so, here ya go! there gonna be another _very_ short chapter after. I put it up right after, because it's so short.

* * *

After sitting in his car for five minutes and blankly staring ahead, contemplating what to do now, Dean tired to ignore the chanting of ‘soulmate’ and ‘blue’ in his head and formed a plan.

Beginning with _Hurry-The-Fuck-Up-Because-Bobby’s-Gonna-Hand-Your-Ass-To-You_ over _Call-99Sam-‘Dean-What-Did-You-Do-Now’-Emergency-Line_ to _Call-Benny-Ask-Him-To-Meet-You_!

 

Part one of the plan should be put into action ASAP, if certain unpleasant consequences wanted to be avoided.

_Driving back to the garage, it is_ , Dean thought.

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

Bobby hadn’t exactly been happy about Dean being this late for work but it was a slow day so it wasn't too bad.

Dean had apologized but didn’t mention that he had met his soulmate. Not yet. Because what exactly should he have said? Hey Bobby, sorry I’m late, I saw blue today but I didn’t meet my soulmate today. Not a good excuse. Nothing Dean would want Bobby to worry about.

 

They had just closed up and Dean immediately went to his room to call Sam. He had been restless all day. Giddy to meet Benny again but also not really excited to see him again. That was nothing Dean wanted to think about, though. His weird mixed feelings crap would either resolve or shit would happen soon enough, no need to worry yet.

 

Sam wasn’t really helpful. He wanted to know who it was, when Dean met his soulmate and told him to call Benny already and that he was happy for Dean.  
Nothing Dean couldn't have guessed.

 

After they hung up, Dean took a moment to breathe.

This was it. Not being honest with himself was one of Dean’s strong suits. So he didn’t bother thinking about why he dreaded this moment or that he, in fact, dreaded it at all. _No chick-flick moments, Winchester!_ , he told himself and dialed the number.

 

It beeped three times before Benny picked up.

"Hey-a."

"Hey Benny", Dean started, "It’s Dean."  
He swallowed. He had no idea how to do this. Should he just plainly say _hey, Benny, I was wondering if we could meet, I think we’re soulmates._ No, that wasn’t good. He wanted to see Benny, but they should probably talk about soulmates face to face. On the other hand, Benny knew that they’re soulmates, too. He, too, must be perceiving new colors now.

"Dean!" Benny sounded happy and excited. "How are you, brother?"  
"I’m fine. And you?"

"I’m good but I’ll be even better when you let me take you out for dinner!"

Dean smiled and absently scratched his tingling shoulder. Benny didn’t say anything about them being soulmates but a dinner was probably a better place to talk about it than the phone anyway.

"That’d be great!"

"Tomorrow night?"

"Sounds good. I’ll be in town anyway — at the flower shop. We could just meet there?"

"Yeah, great. See you then, Dean!"

"Bye!"

With a content sigh, Dean hung up. They had a _date_.

He was gonna see Benny again in just one day.

  
Grinning and whistling Kansas’ "Carry On Wayward Son" he made his way to the shower.

 

When he was done, he still hummed the song under his breath. If Sam could hear him, he’d ask what Dean was so excited about — he always ever sang that song when he was _very_ happy.

Grinning to himself, he wiped the steam off the mirror.

His green eyes looked back at him and for the first time he wondered what it was like to be his soulmate. To never have been able to see _green_ before. There was so much green in this world. As much as blue. But the sky very often was clouded and Dean didn’t live close to the sea. He couldn’t miss it as much. But green. There were so many fields and forests, trees and grass. All that must have been grey to Benny. Dean was glad he didn’t have to miss green.

Dean shook his head, trying to get rid of the picture of the lake — his lake — surrounded by so much green which was only _grey_.

 

He caught something in the corner of his eye when he shook his head. In the mirror, he clearly saw something red on his shoulder — the one that has been tingling for a few days now.

Narrowing his eyes, he looked down. And gaped.

 

There was a _handprint_ on his shoulder.

Red, like new scar tissue.

 

"What the _fuck_?", he asked out loud.

Carefully, he poked the handprint with one finger. It prickled.

"What the hell is this?"

His mind was racing. Benny had touched his shoulder. He’d had a strong grip, yes, and Dean had felt the ghost of his hand as if Benny had left a mark.

But an _actual mark_? How the fuck did that happen? It wasn’t like Benny had ripped flesh out of Dean’s arm to leave such a mark.

Maybe it was a soulmate thing, Dean thought. Even though, he’d never heard of anyone who’d been given actual physical marks by their soulmate—

Maybe it was something people chose not to talk about? That could be, couldn’t it? If it was something that didn’t happen to everyone?

Or was Dean just different? A thought poked at the back of his mind. He couldn’t quite grasp it, hold on to it.

So, instead, he moved to get dressed. Still wondering about the handprint.

 

When he pulled open the drawer and pulled out a shirt, he caught a glimpse of something bound in leather. _Dad’s_ _journal,_ Dean realized. He hadn’t thought about it in a long time. It had stuff in it that he didn’t dare thinking of.

 

And of course, this was the thing he needed to see to know what his brain had wanted to tell him about the handprint. _What if it wasn’t quite natural? What if it was less natural than the color/soulmate thing?_

 

Dean snorted and chided himself for even thinking about the monsters of the night and himself in the same sentence. For thinking about the supernatural, period.

 

This had to be related to his soulmate, to Benny. It couldn’t be anything else.

Dean told himself that but he knew it was futile. His brain would keep reminding him, keep sneaking up on him with ridiculous theories from now on. At least until he knew for sure.

Dean promised himself that he would ask Benny about it, tomorrow. The shorter the time he could make up theories, the better.

Again, he shook his head.

"Fucking handprint, man. What the hell."

* * *

 


	13. t=0

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you're gonna get the next one or two chapters tonight.

* * *

Castiel was looking at the Christmas tree which — apparently, Sam had been decorating it — was positioned next to the kitchen entrance and to Castiel, looked grey with red balls on it.

He did not understand the need for humans to bring a tree into their house and put balls on it. The balls were nice, though. They had different patters which Castiel was determined to figure out the meaning of. In the back of his mind, he tracked the movement of the beautiful soul. It appeared to get closer until a man came into his line of sight. He turned to look into the man’s eyes, wanted to see the soul beneath.

Castiel drew in a breath. The man’s eyes were grey and while he was fascinated by how much more beautiful the soul was, when he looked at it directly, he could not fail to see the Christmas tree turn green.

 

After a moment of staring, the other man cleared his throat.

“Hey Cas”, the man extended a hand, “I’m Dean. It’s great to finally meet you. I mean, you’ve been working for my baby bro for _months_ now. And Gabe and Sam are soulmates so it’s about time we meet.”

It took a moment for Castiel to realize that Dean was acting according to human standards and that he was supposed to shake his hand. So he did. His hand was warm and rough from work.

“Hello, Dean. It is — nice to meet you, too.”

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

Castiel did not know what he was supposed to do. Apparently he had just found his soulmate. But Dean might not have realized it? If he had, he had not acted upon it.

Castiel did not intend to cause trouble, so he chose not to mention it until Dean did.

 

Instead, throughout the night he kept glancing over to the green tree in wonder during the meal. And to Gabriel’s sweater, which, apparently was green, too.

* * *

 


	14. t+3 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all gave me the confidence I needed for this exam, and you made my day happier, so thank you!  
> Here's another little treat.  
> Love you all,  
> enjoy!

* * *

Dean was giddy of excitement all day.

He was going to see Benny tonight.

 

Bobby rolled his eyes and shooed Dean out of the garage when he asked if he could leave earlier because he had a date.

After a quick shower he put on one of his nicer shirts.

He had told Benny he’d be at the flower shop because Sam had asked him to bring some flowers over anyway.

Excited as he was, Dean almost forgot to take the flowers with him. He was already at the car, just to curse and go back to grab all the flowers on the list from the greenhouse in the backyard.

 

When he arrived at Sam’s he could barely sit still.

He was giddy enough to annoy Sam into bitching.

Dean accepted his fate and started to bitch back, quietly grateful for the distraction.

 

It was almost time for Benny to arrive when Dean’s phone rang. He looked down at the caller ID and his heart sank.

_Benny_.

His mind provided him with all the reasons Benny might have to call now. None of them were good and most of them involved Benny ditching him for no other reason than Dean being who he was.

 

"Benny!" He said, his voice a little too gushing. Too much like he tried not to be too bumped about the call.

"Hey-a, Dean! Listen, my car broke down, I’ll be a little later. Barely made it off my grounds."

"Oh, you need me to pick you up?"

"Nah, don’t worry 'bout it. Just didn’t wanna make ya wait and think I ditched ya!"

"No, it’s no trouble at all, really. Just tell me where you’re at and I’ll be there in no time!"

"Are you sure? I’m living outside of town. Wouldn’t want you to get lost."

Benny sounded uncertain.

"It’s fine. I know my way around town. Just tell me where you are."

Reluctantly, Benny told him to drive by the coroner’s office at the edge of town and then explained some off-road directions.

"Alright, I’m on my way."

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

Benny had been right. Dean had been nowhere _near_ this area, before. It appeared dusky and sullen.  
"Weird place to live." Dean said to himself.

He’d been driving off-road for about 10 minutes, wincing at every bump in the ground.

"Sorry, baby! I won’t do that to you again!" He patted the wheel of his car.

After another five minutes, he passed a few glooming trees and saw Benny, leaning against a truck.

Dean stopped the Impala next to the truck and got out, music still playing.

Despite the clouds hanging in the sky Benny wore sunglasses. He was smiling at Dean, broad and inviting.

"Dean!"

"Hey, Benny!" Dean grinned back. Even though he was a little nervous, the meeting was less awkward than he’d expected. Benny gave him a clap on his shoulder, precisely on the handprint which started prickling again.

"What happened to your car?"

"Dunno, I’ll just leave it here for now and get it towed tomorrow. We have a date, so the truck can wait." Benny said, his voice low.

A warmth went through Dean at the thought of it. But still, he was a mechanic so he had to ask.  
"You want me to take a look at it? Maybe I can fix it now, so you won’t have to tow it at all."

Benny lay his head to one side and pursed his lips, considering — like he couldn’t get out of here for their date soon enough. Dean mentally high-fived himself.

"That would be great." He said after a moment which made Dean smile again and move to the hood of the truck.

Benny opened it for him and, after a moment, moved to stand beside Dean who was looking at the picture critically.

"Benny, buddy, who _hates_ you?"

"Why?" Benny asked, surprised.

"Because someone cut the V-belt of your truck."

"They’re _cut_?" Disbelieving, Benny moved up closer to look at where Dean pointed. He pulled the sunglasses off his face, eyes narrowed.

Dean looked at him and asked "Who’d cut your V-belt?"

Benny moved to lock eyes with Dean and said "I’ve got no clue."

Dean’s feet almost gave out under him as for the second time in as many days his world turned upside down.

* * *

 


	15. Interlude (t+6 months)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In hope to improve your day, and in order to procrastinate some more, here the next chapter.  
> (I hope they won't let you wait for much longer, hotgay21 ;))
> 
> I bet you enjoy this one!

* * *

 

"Daddy, I’m home!" Gabriel yelled, followed by a loud _boom!_ as the door exploded in its hinges.

Chuck sighed.

Apparently, his holiday was over.

"Gabriel, my child. I probably deserve a lot — but did you _have_ to make the door explode?"

Gabriel shrugged. "Yeah, I kinda did."

He moved into the room and looked around. His let his hands roam over everything and of course dragged the papers lying around so they fell on the floor.

Chuck sighed again.

"Well, I guess you’re here to talk to me. Letting things explode kinda gets in your way, when your siblings are all about gossip…" Chuck trailed off, crossing his arms.

He was still sitting in his armchair, looking at Gabriel expectantly.

 

The angel made an annoyed petulant sound. He didn’t seem like he wanted to start talking soon, so instead of waiting, Chuck asked, "How did you find me?"

"Please, like I didn’t find out about your little cave in Heaven the second you first came here", was the snorted response.

"Fair enough. Then tell me how you knew I was here, now."

"Pfft, easy." Gabriel was seemingly proud of himself.  
"Alarm system. I tricked you. With a _human_ alarm system", he laughed. "You’re easy to play, old man."

"When did you put it in place?", Chuck inquired curiously.

"Years ago."

"Today was the first time it went off?"

"Yeah, because you walked your uncaring ass right into the laser." Gabriel pointed at it, still preening.

Chuck lifted his eyebrows and waited.

 

"What? Don’t look like that, Dad! You know you walked right into —"

Something seemed to dawn on him and he said "Son of a _bitch_!"

“Language, Gabriel. I know you are angry with me but don’t speak like this in Heaven."

Gabriel ignored him completely. Chuck should’ve expected that, this was Gabriel after all.

"You tricked my system? Fuck, how did you know I installed that?"

"I do know what all my children do, Gabriel."

It was the first time that Chuck used Gabriel’s name since too many centuries and judging by the way the angel tensed, he realized that too.

Chuck’s heart filled with regret that he had been gone so long that his children have grown to hate him rather than trust in him.

"Why’d you choose to set it off this time?" Gabriel tried to distract both of them.  
"I knew you were going to come here when I did."  
"So what, you wanted to talk to me?" Gabriel spit out, his voice filled with anger. He crossed his arms in front of his chest like he was bracing himself for the answer.  
"Of course I want to talk to you, Gabriel. You’re my child." Gabriel winced. "I know I didn’t do any of you justice. But I couldn't take it anymore. I know you couldn’t either — you left, too. Still. I am sorry. I know, I should have been here, should have taken care of my children. But it is so much easier to flee the responsibility and fight. You of all my children should understand best."

"It may have been easier for you to flee the fight, Dad, because you’re _weak_. What about _guilt,_ though? Did you leave that behind, too?"

 

Chuck silently looked at his hands.

 

"Didn’t think so. Because you _can’t_. I know it’s easier to leave, yes. But I also know that you’ll _never_ not feel guilty when you’re gone. More like the opposite: guilt is everything that keeps you going anymore."

His voice broke.

Chuck finally stood and moved to stand in front of his child. He put his hands on Gabriel’s shoulders. In this vessel, he was a little smaller than Gabriel but Chuck seemed older — not his body, but his eyes and the way he moved — and he knew that, in this moment, they looked like father and son.

"Yes, my child. There is nothing but guilt. But you came back here. You were redeemed by your brethren. Do I not deserve the same? Do I not even deserve a chance to try?"

* * *

 


	16. t+3 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am _so sorry_ for the wait!  
>  I didn't have wifi for the past two days, but I'm back online now. yay.
> 
> Enjoy the next chapter!

* * *

Dean couldn’t help but _stare_ at the man in front of him. With his sailor’s hat, the stubble, his white shirt and dark coat, Benny looked just like he was supposed to. Except—

 

_Except._

 

Except his eyes were of an astonishing blue color. _Blue_.

 

Dean couldn’t even be devastated that, apparently, Benny wasn’t his soulmate because in his shock, he hit his head on the hood of the truck. _Hard_.

Cursing the world for his bad luck, he rubbed his head.

 

And as if his luck hadn’t been bad enough for the last few days, it got _worse_.

It was also very confusing for Dean who could barely see though the pain.

He heard Benny yell "No!" as he was pushed to the ground.

"Son of a bitch, Benny, get _off_ me!" Dean yelled, fighting off the weight of the other person.

After a moment, his vision cleared enough for him to realize that this _wasn’t_ Benny on top of him but some other guy. A filthy looking and smelly guy that was currently leaning closer over Dean.

Dean gave another futile attempt to push the man off when he opened his mouth and Dean lost it because there were fucking _fangs_ in that guy’s mouth.

"Fuck, can this get any worse?", he said, his anger apparent in his voice. Dean had one hand on the other guy’s chest so he couldn’t get his fangs any closer to Dean’s throat. The other hand was searching the ground for something sharp that he could use as a weapon — no such luck, of fucking course.

He kept cursing as a distraction to get an overview of the situation. One fanged guy — vampire? probably — on top of him and Benny was fighting off two more. All of them had their fangs out — including Benny.

A "The hell, man!" escaped Dean between his curses. Benny was a fucking vampire.

"Goddammit, I could need a little help here." He had both hands on the vamp now, trying to fight him off. He was strong and Dean hadn’t been doing a lot of sports lately — he grew tired relatively fast.

Just as the words had left his mouth there was a rustling and when Dean turned his head there was a man standing behind Benny. He couldn’t make anything out but a trench coat and dark, messy hair but it was enough. Enough to know that there was a blue tie dangling of the man’s throat. Enough to know that this person _meant something_. And his shoulder tingled like hell, like a warning.

The vampires fighting Benny seemed alarmed by the appearance of the strange man who lifted his arm. With the touch of one single finger to Benny’s temple the man fell over.

Dean couldn’t help but call out Benny’s name.

The vampire on top of Dean got angry and moved to stand next to his friends — or brothers? — taking on a fighting stance.

The first one that attacked was dead after the first step. Only for a second, Dean imagined the silver of a long blade before the body slumped down and it’s head rolled a few feet away.

The other’s yelled and attacked at the same time. The entity they were fighting, though, barely moved. Just lifted the hands to both of their heads and _burning white light_ shot out of their eyes accompanied by their tormented cries.

Dean was fascinated but too soon he couldn’t take the light anymore which seemed to grow stronger and brighter continuously, so he threw himself back to the ground and covered his head with both arms.

 

Silence. Dean only heard the beat of his own heart. Then a rustling or flapping. Silence again.

He counted to five before he allowed himself to peak through his arms. The light was gone. Dean sat up and turned around, taking in the scene.

Benny was moving, carefully sitting up himself. The trench coat guy was gone, the only proof that he had been here were the dead bodies of three vampires. It was a bloody mess. Dean didn’t want to be responsible for the clean-up.

Dean looked over to Benny. _Blue eyes_.

Benny looked worried. He opened his mouth — without fangs, thank God — to say something. After a moment, he closed it again and stared at his hands, remorseful.

"What the fuck, Benny?" Dean couldn’t help but ask as he got up. He beat off the dust from his leather jacket and pulled out the key for the Impala.  
The mess looked surreal from up here — blood everywhere, just from this one head. Even the Impala had some on the windshield. _Great_.

 

Benny got up, too, looking apologetic.

"You’re a fucking _vampire_ , Benny. What was this? Did you bring me here so your buddies can eat me alive?"

"No, 'course not!" Benny denied. "I didn’t know they were gonna do that, Dean. I never intended for this to happen.” He sounded sincere and it pissed Dean off. As an afterthought Benny added, “You know about vampires?”

Dean snorted, “Yeah, whatever. Even if you didn’t intend for this to happen, it did. Here I thought I was your soulmate and then _this_? Gee, thanks."

"What?" Benny was shocked. "Your soulmate? Dean, I’m sorry that you thought that — I have — had a soulmate. She died years ago when they transformed me into what I am now."

 

Dean shook his head and made his way over to the Impala.

"Why, Benny?" Dean looked back, the driver’s door already open. "You wanted to drink my blood ’n let me die?"

"No. I like you and I thought we could have fun." Benny’s voice sounded sincere.

"Goodbye, Benny."

Dean got in the car and turned the key in the ignition.

'Highway to Hell' blasted through the car. Dean turned the volume on maximum as he turned the car and drove off.

 

 

"Goodbye, Dean."

* * *

 


	17. t+4 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've been waiting for quite a while, so here's another chapter.  
> Have fun.

* * *

When he woke up, Dean felt empty. And pissed.

He had never been one for praying — he knew what was out there. And now. Now it all came back to him.  It’s not like he’d forgotten what he found out all these years ago. He just banned it to the back of his head and tried not to think of the monsters walking the streets. Subconsciously, sure, he’s been aware and preparing. It was not for nothing he’s keeping a knife in the Impala.

Now that he was able to name some of the things out there, he didn’t know whether to be angry at Bobby and his dad for not teaching him, or at himself, for not asking. Rationally, he knew it  wouldn’t help that it was too late now and he would have to take what he could get.

But with this multiplied knowledge, he felt like he was drowning. He was surprised that he had been sleeping at all, the fear that he hadn’t felt in years clogging up his throat.

When he lay there in bed, not willing to move yet, to face the horrors of the world, Dean’s will got weaker and he was considering praying, a faint memory of his mom saying “Angels are watching over you” buzzing in his head.

He learned from a young age that there was more bad than good out there. Of course, it wasn’t too far fetched that angels existed, after all there were _vampires._ And apparently also fucking demons. But then again, how could a god let all this crap happen? How could there be angels and demons walking the earth at the same time? Were angels and god not supposed to keep the people safe?

Dean sighed, torn apart between hoping that there wasn’t a god and knowing that if there was, He probably didn’t care about humanity at all.

 

“Fuck this”, he hissed, the memories of the last night making him shudder. Not only did he think he found his soulmate but then the guy turns out to be a fucking vampire who brought his berserk friends, to fucking kill Dean. And this stupid trench coat guy who saved him and fucking vanished?Dean could swear he’d known the guy — not only from the day before where he’s seen the tie flattering around in the shop.

 

With a sigh, Dean sat up, putting his bare feet on the floor and his face in his hands. After a moment, he started mumbling.

“Are you there, God? It’s me, Dean Winchester. I guess you already know that. Provided you exist. I’m gonna be straight with you”, Dean crunched. “I’m not convinced that you really exist. And I don’t believe in your angels either — son of a bitch this is ridiculous!” He paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

“If you are there, God, I am disappointed. Because everything you stand for, you are not. You are supposed to be a good God. Keeping the people save. And not let them be slaughtered by vampires and other monsters. How can You exist if there are demons threatening souls and taking lives? How can You look in the mirror? It is so unfair that the good people are suffering, _dying_ and You just let it happen! And the hope, You crush down, by giving people colors but miss sending the actual soulmate? Very classy. Yeah, I don’t even know why I’m doing this. It’s not like I’m expecting an answer. Maybe I should go out instead, kill demons, doing the job _You_ were supposed to do.”

Dean shook his head. A couple of deep breaths later, he got up, getting ready for the day.

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

Work was exhausting. Dean thought, he never had a day as annoying and just plain bad as this, at work before. It might have to do something with his overall mood but usually he felt better when he worked.

Apparently, no such luck, today. Jo and Ash steered clear of him all day, probably sensing his mood.

 

Dean tried to get his work done. But his mind was racing and he found that he had connected some cables to the wrong outlets on the car he was working.

Now, he had to re-do everything to almost repeat the mistake in the process.

 

It was early afternoon when Bobby came by.

“Boy, ya got something on your mind and you’ll leave the garage now to sort it out because the work ya doin’ here, ain’t no work at all.”

Even though, the words didn’t sound particularly threatening, Bobby’s voice suggested otherwise.

 

So, Dean left the garage as fast as possible.

It was a relief, to be off work. He went over to the house and heated up some leftovers.

While he was eating, he tried to stop thinking because he didn’t have anything to occupy his mind with, apart from the things he obviously _didn’t want to think about_.

When he finished eating, he sat there for another moment, until he couldn’t bear it anymore.

He needed to move, needed to get his mind off the soulmate he didn’t find, off the monsters this world inhabited.

He grabbed the car keys and his dad’s leather jacket and made his way over to the Impala.

Once inside, he took a moment to decide where to go. Charlie or Sam.

Both would be annoying. But Sam already knew. Charlie would ask so many questions Dean didn’t want to face right now because he couldn't answer them for himself. How was he supposed to answer them for others?

So, Sam it was. Since it was still early, he’d probably still be at the shop.

 

When he arrived, Sam was just attending a costumer. He gave Dean a short wave, signaling him to wait for a moment. Dean wandered through the store. With his newly gained sight of the color blue, Dean wandered through the store, fascinated by the blue flowers.

He made his way to the back, where he knew Sam kept a pot of coffee.

The backdoor stood ajar, probably because Castiel was checking up on the bees.

Dean poured himself a mug of coffee and decided to go and say hi to Cas.

Cas wasn’t difficult to find. He had left a trail in the snow, leading directly behind the shed where they must have put the beehives.

Dean walked through the snow, clasping the coffee mug for warmth. He felt his shoulder tingling and let out an annoyed snort.

Castiel stood with his back to Dean.

 

“Hey, Cas!”, he said, rounding the corner. “How —”

Any other word was stuck in his throat, as he came to a skidding halt.

Because in front of him, there was Castiel, wearing a trench coat. And when he turned around, Dean could see a blue crooked tie around his neck. And he knew, even before he locked eyes with Cas, that this was it. The missing piece. Every part of him seemed to agree, his soul yearning to touch, his eyes wanting to track Cas’ every move, while his brain helpfully supplied terms like “dumbass”, “fool”, “idiot” and “stupidity has to be punished”, while the tingling in his shoulder grew almost unbearable and his heart pounded because he finally understood. Because finally, everything made sense, as Dean looked into the grey eyes of his soulmate.

 

Castiel’s hands were balled into fists. He seemed tense, anger and relief simultaneously on his face. Like he knew that Dean finally realized and didn’t know whether to be happy about it or begrudging that it took Dean that long. And Dean could relate. He hated himself for it.

But then, Cas smiled and it seemed to warm Dean’s entire presence, as Cas moved to close the space between them.

He stopped inches away from Dean, never even breaking eye contact.

“Hello, Dean”, he said and lifted a hand, carefully, to Dean’s cheek.  
The tingling that seemed to have gotten more intense, the closer he came to Castiel, just stopped when their skin touched.

Instead the warmth grew, a contentment building up in his heart, a happiness he has never felt before.

Dean had never told Sam, but he had read a large amount of stories about meeting your soulmate. So many tellings, descriptions, but nothing could have _ever_ prepared him for this. And he didn’t even get to have the whole experience. He has been seeing colors for three (technically four) days. It was still new, though. And he only just now understood. And this thing with his shoulder? The handprint? That didn’t seem completely normal, either. But he knew that already. Castiel wasn’t human. He had saved him and then just literally _vanished_ , for whatever reason. So even though he was just happy staring into his eyes for even longer, this was a question he needed to ask.

"Who are you?"

Castiel lay his head to one side, confused. "I am Castiel."

Dean huffed.

“I mean, what are you?”, he asked, his voice breaking — because he was scared of the answer or because this was his _soulmate_ , he didn’t know. Probably both.

As unprepared as he might have been to meet his soulmate, he was less prepared for this answer.

“I am an Angel of the Lord.”

 

There it was, plain and simple and completely, utterly _insane_.

* * *

 


	18. Interlude

* * *

The day Mary died had been beautiful. It had been warm, for a Wednesday in November.

Dean and John had been playing baseball in the garden, kicking away leaves. Mary had sat on the porch of their little house in Lawrence, Sammy in her arms.

Her laugh had been light and happy and she cheered Dean on, clapping together with little Sammy when he made a home-run.

The Winchester’s had a family dinner, since it had been one of the rare occasions that John came home from work in the early afternoon. Mary had prepared Dean’s favorite dish — roast chicken with mashed potatoes.

Since Dean had school the next day, they had only spent a little time in the living room.

Mary had read two chapters of [_The Brothers Lionheart_](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Brothers_Lionheart), before she had brought Dean to bed.

She always sang for him when he had to go to bed. This day, half asleep, he heard her say softly, “Angels are watching over you.”

 

The next thing he heard was screaming. Yelling. Then, John had pushed Sammy into his arms and told him to _run_. So he had run.

  
In this night, Dean’s life had changed forever. He had started to weave a cocoon around Sam and him, telling him stories, let them become the brothers Lionheart. John had told him to look after Sam and that was what he did. Because there was nothing as important as his little brother. Not anymore.

And John — he became a ghost. He had tried, at first. Dean knew he had tried but he couldn’t keep a job when he was never sober. And John couldn’t bear to be sober anymore. Not with Mary being _gone_ and with finding out about the world in the shadows.

And Dean, too, found out about the shadows, about the monsters. Because John had fallen asleep, drunken and angry and had just left it _right there_. All the books, the illustrations. His journal.

And Dean had read all of it. He swore to himself that Sam would never find out. That Sammy, his baby-brother, would be safe and sound. And he tried to forget about the evil in the world himself. But how can you keep faith when your mother is ripped from your world by this same evil you don’t want to think about?

 

It had taken Dean a lot of time to stop thinking about the monsters every day. It had been easier, as soon as they moved in with Bobby. Because Bobby had tried and managed to keep the books and articles from Sammy. From both of them. He hadn’t been making Dean’s job more difficult, as John had. Dean didn’t need to be careful anymore that there wasn’t a knife, a gun or worse lying around.

Because Bobby tried. And he wanted them to have a good life. To grow up in a good home. Because like John, he had forgotten about everything when his wife had died and he drowned in sorrow. But opposite to John, he had managed to pull himself up again. For the boys. For his sons that weren’t even of his own flesh.

 

To this day, Dean still remembered the day of his mother’s death as clear as ever. Her last words still echoing in his head.

_Angels are watching over you._

The words stayed but her voice faded, with every day. Her smile stayed but her face faded, with every day. Her love stayed but her embrace faded. This day would be in his memory forever but his mom faded.

* * *

 


	19. t+4 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, the beginning this chapter was a little harder to write. I almost made myself cry because _mean_. But oh well.  
>  Enjoy

* * *

Dean didn’t believe in good things. Hadn’t, for a long time. There a reasons for his mistrust, it had been building up for a better part of his life.

The first decade of his life hadn’t particularly been making it easier to have faith. So, at some point, he just stopped.

Additionally, he now had been fighting against _actual vampires_.

 

But this. This was a whole other level of _crazy_.

_Angels_.

 

Dean didn’t know whether to laugh at Cas, or cry that his soulmate was a nut job!

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath because he was close to doing both.

Didn’t he go through enough already? He had been longing for his soulmate, someone who _understood_ him, for so, so long. And then it took him four fucking days to even _realize he has met his fucking soulmate_.

And now, now this _lunatic_ was standing in front of him, claiming to be his soulmate — his fucking _soulmate_ , Dean cannot stress that enough - and then had the audacity to tell him — Dean fucking Winchester — that he is a fucking _Angel of the Lord_!

It couldn’t be that what this man was telling him, was true. It had to be a fucking mistake. He must’ve met someone else over Christmas. This lunatic provably wasn’t even his soulmate.

A mistake, yes.

Dean opened his eyes, wanted to tell Castiel that he could not be his soulmate, that the soulmate factory either made a mistake, or that his soulmate must have been a guy from the store the other day. But when he looked into Castiel’s eyes, his arguments seemed less probable, less rational because this guy was a fucking dork with his head cocked to one side looking quizzically at him with his stupid grey eyes.

His stupid blue tie was still crooked and his expression so fucking open and Dean just wasn’t able to _stop staring_.

“Fuck!”, he breathed out, turning on his heels.

He retreated to the shop as fast as possible but he heard the shuffle of feet behind him.

 

Sam entered the back room just as Dean stepped into it.

“Dean, what’s wrong?”, Sam asked, worried.

Dean paced through the room. He knew what his face must look like and he wanted to let it all out. He looked into Sam’s face and wasn’t that just a mistake. Sam’s face was open, in a cute sad puppy expression. Dean steeled himself because he always got protective and didn’t tend to talk about his problems when this face came out.

 

But for once, he should. He needed to. Because Castiel —

“What’s wrong? Why don’t you ask your _employee_ because apparently he is my soulmate, Sam! And my soulmate is a fucking lunatic! I swear to the Impala, the only thing he could do that would be _worse_? Is if he took off with fucking Crowley.”

“Dean, what do you mean, lunatic?”, Sam asked just as the door opened and Cas entered, a worried look on his face.

“Dammit, Cas, would you stop with the kicked puppy face?”, Dean groaned. Turning to Sam, he half explained and half yelled, “Guy thinks he’s an angel. Did anyone in this world _ever_ see a fucking angel? All there is are fucking vampires and werewolves and God knows what but there’s no such thing as fucki—”

“Dean, stop!”

“Why, because he listens?”  
“No, because he’s telling the truth. He _is_ an angel - as is Gabe. Wait, you know there’s vamps out there?”

“What the hell do you mean, _he’s telling the truth and Gabriel is an angel, too_?”

“Exactly as I said it, Dean.” Sam rolled his eyes.

“Dean”, Cas spoke softly from behind him.

Once again, Dean closed his eyes and took a breath to brace himself.

“You already know that we are telling the truth. Your soul knows but you don’t let your brain believe it yet. Why? You have felt the impact my Grace had on your soul. You have felt it. Why do you choose to ignore it?”

Dean knew Castiel was right and he hated it. But it was like these words were a reminder and now his body was responding, his brain detecting the truth behind the words and maybe gaining a little faith again.

_Angels are watching over you._

He turned around, looked at Cas.

The man who’s eyes would stay grey forever who seemed to look right into Dean’s soul while they stared at each other — his soul which seemed to correspond in the weirdest but most comfortable way possible. This man who had saved his life. This man, with his tie that never seemed to be straight.

Maybe his mom had been right. Maybe angels _had_ been watching over him. Or one angel, anyway.

Now that he was letting himself believe that this was true, trust that good things might be real, too. Now he felt like he could let himself have this and be happy.

 

As he stared into Castiel’s eyes, his soul seemed to find peace it didn’t have before and he knew that it would be okay.

 

“God, you two are the most disgusting couple already.”

A low voice said from somewhere.

“Alright, quit with the staring!”, came a louder yell. Sam, of course.

Reluctantly, Dean turned around.

“What do you want, Sam-Squatch?”

“I don’t want to watch your staring contest for hours, jerk. So I’ll get right to the point: You _know_ about vampires and all that?”

Dean sighed. “Really? Now? Can I not have one fucking moment of peace? Can you not ask me this, I don’t know. Tomorrow night? In five weeks? Three years? Over a beer? Something that doesn’t involve the smell of flowers?”

Sam snorted. “Alright, alright, I’m going.”

Dean let out another sigh, “Son of a bitch!”

Seemed like he was really going to give in and settle for getting to know the guy, at least. And he knew he was already half in love. He was fucked.

Turning back to Cas he asked, “So, I guess we should talk. Do you wanna get a beer?”

Cas nodded and that beautiful smile spread over his face again.

So fucked.

* * *

 


	20. t+6 days

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little bit of cuteness after.

* * *

It’s been two days since Dean and Cas have found to each other. Two days, in which Dean had spend every free minute with his soulmate. They have been talking for hours only interrupted by staring contests. This was a thing they were good at, Dean realized pretty fast.

 

Dean had picked Cas up from work and they went to the lake, Dean’s favorite spot on earth.

There’s a memory of John who took Dean there, before. They had been visiting Uncle Bobby and John took Dean to the lake for fishing. Dean had only ever shared this place with Sam and now he brought Cas.

 

The last two days had been ridiculously warm and the snow had melted into nothing. 

The lake was peaceful. The sky and lake were blue — it was the first time that Dean could see the sun reflect in a blue lake, instead of a grey one and he loved taking in the scenery. Cas seemed just as fascinated but his gaze wandered over to the green trees and fields rather than the sky.

 

Dean had brought two camping chairs to sit on the pier.

Even though it’s been two days, Dean hadn’t talked to Cas about the handprint.  
After they sat there, for a while in companionable and peaceful silence, Dean decided that it was a good moment to ask.

“Cas?”

“Yes, Dean?”

Dean didn’t know, how to actually ask. _I’ve got a handprint on my arm, did you, by any chance, put it there? And, if you did, how and when the hell did you burn it in my flesh?_

So, instead, he rolled up the sleeve of his shirt so Cas could look at it.

The angels eyes widened at the sight. He looked astonished and excited. Slowly, he lifted his hand and put it over the handprint — it fit perfectly. As soon as Cas touched it, the scar tissue started tingling and a happy sensation surged through Dean and he felt with all his heart that this was Cas’ handprint, this was Cas’ mark.

If possible, Cas’ eyes widened even more.  
“I didn’t know this could happen”, he said.

“Cas, how did you do that?”

“I touched your soul.” Cas simply said.

“You touched my _soul_?” Dean asked, incredulously.

“Yes.” Cas narrowed his eyes, his head cocked to one side, in that one motion that Dean learned to love.

“When I first saw your soul on Christmas when I entered Bobby’s house, I couldn’t resist it.” Castiel’s eyes were filled with wonder.

“Your soul is the brightest and most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen, Dean.” His voice was filled with so much honesty and love, Dean’s heart ached. “You are a beautiful man, Dean. With a righteous and pure soul. You are truly good.”

“Stop that!” Dean’s voice was too loud. He wasn’t good. He was everything but good and beautiful.

“I am merely stating the truth”, Castiel sounded almost angry. The tingling grew stronger where Cas’ hand still was pressed against Dean’s shoulder.

Cas sighed as he leaned over, taking Dean’s chin in his hand to gently turn his face. Their eyes met and Castiel said with such sincerity and conviction, “Dean, you _are_ the most beautiful soul I've ever encountered and nothing will ever change that. You will always stay the brightest and purest soul. You are my soulmate and I will cherish you above all other.”

Dean knew that every word Cas just said was true. The bond, they had, through Cas’ hand on his arm, transferred the feeling of _truth_ through Dean’s body. Dean didn’t even know that truth could be a feeling but here he was, feeling it. It may be the truth but that didn’t mean, Dean had to like it. He looked at his shoulder. Castiel followed his gaze. Quietly he started explaining.

“I was so overwhelmed by the presence of your soul, I could not resist the urge to touch it, caress it. But human souls, human vessels, most cannot withstand the energy of my true form. I believe the touch, as short as it might have been, left a mark on your soul and therefore on your physical appearance.”

Cas lifted his eyes to look back into Dean’s. “I am sorry. I did not intent for this to happen.”

“No, it’s okay.” Dean said and put his hand on top of Cas’. “I like it.”

“Really?”

“Yes. It’s yours.” Dean hoped he could convey the message through his eyes and these simple words.

 

They have been staring at each other before but somehow, this was different. They were close, their faces inches apart. The air around them seemed to be electrified, growing denser and heavier.

If anyone would ask Dean about their first kiss, there was no other way to describe it than perfect.

Because it was a perfect kiss, chaste, early in their relationship but already filled with so much love. But it was also a kiss that only belonged to him and Cas and no-one else needed to know about it.

 

After a while, Cas stood up to stand next to Dean, his hand still on Dean’s shoulder, watching the sun set.

 

 

*  *  *

 

Sam later handed Dean a picture.

He had taken it when he’d been hiking through the forests with Gabriel. When they had come across the Impala, Sam looked out for Dean and when he and Gabe had passed the pier he had seen their silhouettes facing the lake. The sunset had been beautiful, even from Sam’s point of view.

In the photograph, Sam had captured Dean and Cas at the lake, the golden sun creating a peaceful scenery.

 

Dean rolled his eyes at Sam, the sap, but as soon as he entered his room he put the photo on his night stand because he had fallen in love with it immediately.

* * *

 


	21. t+4 days ALTERNATIVE #1, ALTERNATIVE #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two alternative versions of chapter 17/19 "t+4 days".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so you kept asking for some more dean/benny. And touching wiener. I was supposed to study, but this was definitely more fun.
> 
> i hope you enjoy reading.  
> I might have done it the other way around; cas should probably be angrier in #2. but i really am glad i finished writing it at all. my concentrations gone.
> 
> If You want the chapter to be especially painful, I recommend listening to [this](http://youtu.be/KsRmNnGi3-o).

* * *

**ALTERNATIVE #1**

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up?”

_“Nah, it’s alright. I’ll just need a little longer, is all.”_

“Okay, I’ll be here.” Dean said, not completely convinced.

 

*  *  *

 

It was dark, when Benny arrived at the flower shop. Sammy left the keys for Dean to lock up behind him before he left and went over to Gabriel’s place. Despite the darkness, Benny was wearing sunglasses.

 

“Hey, Benny.” Dean was nervous. How do you deal with your soulmate when you didn’t know they were your soulmate in the first place?

“You wanna come in? Or do you wanna go somewhere else?”

Benny smiled at him. “Coming inside sounds good to me.”

Benny looked so calm. It didn’t do anything for Dean’s nervousness. Nevertheless, he stepped back to let Benny enter.

Benny looked around interested while he took of the glasses.

Dean closed the door and when he turned around, he got a face full of Benny.

He pressed him into the door, while pushing his tongue sloppily into Dean’s mouth.

Dean’s hands were on Benny’s shoulders, as he kissed him back. It was heated and hungry. Benny’s strong hands were roaming Dean’s body while Dean’s mind shut down. But then he tasted the iron on Benny’s tongue, almost like blood, and there was something nagging in his head, that this wasn’t how he thought this would go. He leaned back and broke the kiss, to breathe, to get his head clear.

“Shouldn’t we talk about this first?” He gestured between them, still breathing heavily.

“Talk about what?” Benny asked, curiously, mouthing on Dean’s neck.

“Us”, Dean emphasized. “The soulmate thing.” He hadn’t wanted to say it so direct, so boldly. Benny tensed. It made Dean freak out internally. Was Benny not read to talk about this? Slowly, Benny lifted his head.

 

Dean’s heart stopped, because he might have been expecting a _lot_ (read: nothing at all) from this soulmate-business, but he didn’t actually think, he’d mistake someone for his soulmate who wasn’t. He didn’t imagine he would be hopeful of this idea — the idea of a soulmate, of having someone to spend your life with — that he’d hurt _that_ much, when he looked into blue eyes, instead of grey ones. Because Benny wasn’t his soulmate.

 

Benny’s mouth moved, but Dean couldn’t hear him over the thrumming in his ears. His chest felt so tight, and it was heaving, he could feel it heaving but there wasn’t actually any air in his lungs. There was just a burning in his chest and pain. Benny’s blue eyes blurred in front of Dean, and all the colors behind him, too, while Dean tried to suck in breath after breath—

 

There was a sharp pain in his cheek, when Benny slapped him in the face.

Miraculously, Dean’s lungs widened, and he could breathe again.

“You alright, brother?” Benny asked, carefully. He didn’t touch Dean, kept his hands at his sides. Of course, Dean just made very clear he had assumed they were soulmates, so maybe he didn’t want to hurt him anymore. His eyes were full of sympathy.

“You-” Dean choked out. “You’re not my soulmate.”

“No, Dean.” Benny shook his head.

“Look, I’m really sorry, I don’t know how that must feel for you. I- My soulmate died years ago.”

Dean couldn’t give up on the hope just yet — he had been alone for so many years now, he had seen his father breaking from grief; he didn’t want to become like this, before even _knowing_ his soulmate. So, despite everything, he asked, “Couldn’t I be your second soulmate?”

Benny’s voice was sad, but sure, when he said, “It doesn’t work like that, Dean. You know that.

After a moment, he added. “I didn’t see any green, since Andrea died. And I didn’t start again when I met you. I’m sorry. I just came here because I thought we had something — something good but short-lived. I thought we could just have some fun. I should probably go. I’m sorry, Dean.”

Benny turned around to leave Dean broken and empty. But Dean couldn’t take it just yet. He couldn’t be alone right now.

His hand grabbed Benny’s. “Wait.”

Benny turned around, one eyebrow raised.  
“Can we- can we still have fun?”

It took Benny a moment to answer. “Are you sure? I don’t want to get between you and your sou-”

Dean snorted, his voice turning a tad hysterical. “Please, I don’t even know who my soulmate _is_! There’s nothing for you to get between.” He took deep, steadying breath. “So, please. Can we just have some fun?”

Benny nodded, slowly. It was invitation enough for Dean, who surged forward, and drowned himself in the touches of a man who wasn’t his soulmate but Dean might as well just pretend for a little while.

The kisses started out as hot and heated as they did a few minutes earlier, and they stayed that way. Dean didn’t let himself be longing, because he had to draw the line somewhere — if he let himself have soft and lingering kisses and touches now, he’d miss them even more, when this was over.

Benny’s hands were strong, when they pulled Dean’s shirt over his head. The handprint on his arm was itching when Benny’s fingers graced it — Benny didn’t acknowledge it in any way, so Dean didn’t either.

Dean was the first, to go for Benny’s zipper, without breaking their kisses. He wouldn’t let himself look, just touch; he couldn’t face Benny’s _blue_ eyes or the blue of the flowers around him.

Benny pushed Dean into the wall, and opened his zipper, to get his hand around Dean.

It’s been too long, and the warm strong hand around his dick made Dean moan. Benny pushed closer, and mouthed along Dean’s jawline, while he took both of them into his grip. They were both sensitive and Dean leaned his head back against the wall, eyes still closed and his breathing ragged.

 

The sensation of it all was so much, so good, it stopped Dean from thinking. He concentrated with everything he had on the feeling of Benny’s touch and on the sound of his breaths and the beating of his own heart.

  
If he hadn’t been listening so closely, he might have miss the ring that signaled an opening of the shop door.

His head shot around, so fast he almost got whiplash, Benny’s mouth still on his neck and both of their dicks still in Benny’s hand.

 

How Dean’s heart hadn’t failed completely yet, he couldn’t tell. Because after the first revelation that Benny wasn’t his soulmate, and his initial shock someone walking in on him like this Dean needed only a fraction of a second to realize, that it was Cas who walked in on them and  that Castiel’s eyes were _grey._ So, it was kind of surprising that Dean was still breathing relatively regularly.

 

“Cas”, he breathed out.

The moment he fully understood what the grey in Castiel’s eyes meant, he pushed Benny off. He stumbled backwards, and when he saw Castiel, bared his teeth.

 

Dean zipped his pants as fast as he could, his eyes never leaving Cas.

 

Castiel looked — Dean couldn’t even begin to describe what Cas looked like.

Beautiful, a little uncomfortable in his body, like he had on Christmas, as if he didn’t really knew how to move in this body.

But he also looked. _Angry_. More than angry. Dean didn’t know a term that fit better than _wrathful_. He had never described anyone as wrathful.

Castiel’s eyes started to glow, his gaze fixed on Benny. It was like Castiel was growing. Not physically, but like there was an entity growing in the room — judging by the way his eyes glowed, Dean realized that eh might not be fully human. He wasn’t afraid. He had never been less afraid of any unnatural creature, but he couldn’t help but stare at Cas in wonder and fascination.

 

When the lightbulb exploded over them, Dean flinched. Benny growled, and Dean flitted his eyes over for a second. Benny had grown _fangs_.

“Son of a bitch”, Dean managed to say, before there was lightning, and he moved his eyes back to Cas. In the corner of his eyes, he kept tabs on Benny. 

Dean could swear he saw _wings_ on the wall behind Cas, who was staring down Benny, his eyes glowing stronger and stronger when he moved closer to Benny. There wasn’t a lot of space behind Benny, but when he tried to turn around and run, suddenly, Castiel was in front of him in the blink of the eye.

He lifted his hand on Benny’s forehead, right between his eyes, and _light_ so bright Dean had to throw an arm over his head, emitted from Castiel’s hand. The light was so bright, it was like a noise, drowning out the sound of Benny’s scream.

The silence after seemed even louder.

Dean’s arm fell to his side, and he looked to where Benny lay on the floor and - holy shit - his eyes were _burned out_.

Dean’s eyes moved up to Castiel’s and they ended up staring at each other. Dean didn’t know what to say. Castiel still looked more than angry — he had every right, really. He just caught Dean not only making out (and touching wieners) with someone else, but also he caught them at his place of work and, additionally, apparently Benny hadn’t even been _human_. Not that Cas was, for that matter.

 

“Who are you?” Dean couldn’t help but ask.

Castiel’s anger momentarily turned into confusion and he cocked his head. “I am Castiel.”

Dean kept himself from rolling his eyes. Instead, he lifted his hands. “I know that. I mean, what are you?”

“I am an Angel of the Lord.”

 

Two weeks ago, Dean might have laughed in Cas’ face. But he had just seen the shadow of his wings, and seen him kill a creature — vampire? — with whom _Dean just had it going on, fuck._

So, today, Dean just sighed. There might be a shock (another one) later, Dean thought, but right now — he was just exhausted, and the last thing his mom has ever said to him ghosted through his mind. _Angels are watching over you_.

He didn’t know, if he believed it. He stared at Cas.

Castiel was back to angry. And he looked _hurt_. Like he got hurt in the worst possible way. And it was Dean’s fault.

“Okay”, Dean said. The pain in Castiel’s eyes was enough to shut him up for now.

“I think I owe you an apology”, Dean said. Castiel didn’t answer. Instead, he stepped forward, right into Dean’s personal space, and grabbed him by the collar of his shirt — which Dean had pulled over again — and pulled Dean with him out of the shop. Dean didn’t know what he expected Cas to do, but he didn’t protest until it was to late — he was thrown against the wall of the back alley.

Cas moved fast, grabbing Dean’s collar again, and threw him against the fence on the other side of the alley.

“I came to earth for _this_?”, Castiel spit, and punched Dean in the face _hard_. He felt the skin on his cheek break, and warm liquid tracing down his face. He didn’t fight Cas — he deserved this. He hated himself and he could only imagine how much Cas hated him right now.

“So you could go ahead and fuck around with _him?_ A fucking _vampire_?”  
“Cas, please!”

Castiel pushed Dean against the wall, his face inches from his. “I would give everything for you — and this is what you give to me?

Cas pulled Dean off the wall and with one final and strong kick, he threw Dean a few feet into the fence at the back of the alley.

Dean spit blood, his body hurt and he was barely able to breathe, but oh did he deserve this. He lay on the ground, hoisting himself up on his arms.

Castiel moved closer and stopped right above Dean.

Dean didn’t know, if Cas planned to kill him, if he planned to just beat him up some more. He didn’t care. He deserved it. He had betrayed Castiel. Cheated on him. He knew how it felt, if the floor opened up beneath you and you were suddenly hit with the fact that your soulmate wasn’t your soulmate, and he knew it would be ultimately worse when you found your soulmate cheating on you.

“Do it”, he said.

Cas stood above him, his beautiful angelic face still full of wrath — and of course, if Cas was an angel, the term “wrathful” suddenly seemed to fit — and heavily breathing.

“Just do it!” he said again, when Cas didn’t move.

Castiel’s fists slacked, and he moved and put one hand against Dean’s face. Dean flinched, not expecting the soft touch and that the pain would be gone with it. Cas pulled his hand away and Dean touched his cheek. There wasn’t any blood and no wound.

He looked up at Castiel. They looked into each others eyes for only a second, before Castiel disappeared.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Dean prayed. Sam said, Cas hadn’t come to work, Gabriel said, Cas hadn’t come home last night. Gabriel also said, that Castiel would hear him pray. Apparently, Gabriel was an Angel too, and apparently, Sam knew about the angel-business. All his life Dean had only wanted to keep Sam from this. Now they got sucked in anyway.

 

“Cas, you got your ears on? I don’t even know where to begin, man. I fucked up. There’s no apology big enough, to make up for this, and I know that. If you don’t want to talk to me right now, I get that. I wouldn’t want to talk to me, hell I _do not_ talk to myself right now. I’m not worth of your love, or your friendship or of _you_. I would love to get to know you better, spend time with you, and do anything — not for you to forgive me, because I can’t even forgive myself —, just so that you might talk to me. If you don’t want to talk to me, that’s alright, really. But I need you, Cas. I need you to check in with Gabe or Sam. They’re worried. You’re family — you’re their family, and I would love for you to become a part of my family, someday, Cas.” Dean’s voice was low, rough, but sincere.

“For what it’s worth, Cas. I am truly sorry.”

There wasn’t an answer. Dean hadn’t expected one, but he had hoped.

 

“You are worthy of my love, Dean.”

Dean jumped and cursed, when Castiel’s low voice came from behind him.

“Fuck, Cas, a little warning next time?” Dean took a deep breath, to calm himself.  
“Hey, Cas.”

“Hello, Dean.”

 

The staring was awkward, this time. In his head, Dean vehemently denied the words, Castiel had just said out loud “ _You are worthy of my love”_. Because he really, really wasn’t.

“Why do you think so little of yourself, Dean? You do deserve to be loved. You shouldn’t be satisfied with anything less.”

Castiel didn’t look angry anymore. He looked nervous — as nervous as Dean felt. And out of his depth, still not really accustomed to a life among humans.

“Cas, buddy, I am glad you’re here, really. But I think we have to agree to disagree on this topic for now.” Dean reflected.

He didn’t seem happy about Dean’s request, but he nodded.

Dean smiled at him, relief flooding him and asked. “Would you like to go out for breakfast with me?”

Again, Cas nodded and Dean’s smile widened when he thought that maybe they could do this.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

**ALTERNATIVE #2**

 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up?”

_“Nah, it’s alright. I’ll just need a little longer, is all.”_

“Okay, I’ll be here.” Dean said, not completely convinced.

 

*  *  *

 

It was dark, when Benny arrived at the flower shop. Sammy left the keys for Dean to lock up behind him before he left and went over to Gabriel’s place. Despite the darkness, Benny was wearing sunglasses.

 

“Hey, Benny.” Dean was nervous. How do you deal with your soulmate when you didn’t know they were your soulmate in the first place?

“You wanna come in? Or do you wanna go somewhere else?”

Benny smiled at him. “Coming inside sounds good to me.”

Benny looked so calm. It didn’t do anything for Dean’s nervousness. Nevertheless, he stepped back to let Benny enter.

Benny looked around interested while he took of the glasses.

“So, how d’ya want it?” Benny asked, bored.

“Excuse me?” Dean asked, confused and just _excuse me_?

“Well, ya must’ve had somethin’ in mind, when ya called — wanna fuck me? Be fucked?” Benny turned, and Dean’s brain short-circuited, when he stared into _blue_ eyes, while Benny said. “It’s 80 bucks an hour.”

A faint “no”, escaped Dean, before Benny moved up to him.

He stopped right in front of Dean and lifted an eyebrow.

“Listen, if ya changed your mind, fine”, he lifted his hands in surrender, “but then tell me, and I’m outta here.”

“I-”, Dean started. He was overwhelmed by how _wrong_ this situation seemed. Benny was a _hooker_?

“But my soulmate —”, Dean started again, confused disappointed and hurt.

Benny raised his eyebrows. “Ya want me to have a threesome with you? Can do that, but the price is tripled. Where’s your soulmate?”

Dean didn’t answer, just looked into Benny’s blue eyes, still shocked.

Benny’s annoyance was audible when he said, “Listen, I ain’t your soulmate, and I don’t see ‘em. So either you wanna tell me what ya wanna do, or I’m outta here, alright?”

 

The thing is, Benny was still appealing. He was still good looking, and his eyes were still roaming Dean hungrily. And Dean was kinda desperate right now, to say the least. Desperate for affection, desperate for sex, desperate for love, desperate for a happy ending. He knew he couldn’t get a happy ending and love from Benny. But he could get sex. And maybe he could fend of the lonely ness for a while longer with that.

 

So he said, “Well, I guess you could at least get us of, now that you’re here.”

His voice sounded angry, broken. But Benny didn’t care for that — money money money, what people wouldn’t do for you. Instead he shrugged, and closed the last distance between them to kiss Dean hungrily.

He pressed Dean against the wall, with strong hands digging into his shoulders.

The didn’t undress. They only pulled open the zippers of their pants and Benny took them into his hand.

His grip was hard, but their whole interaction was Dean angrily pushing his tongue into Benny’s mouth, one hand in Benny’s hair, pulling hard and probably painful.

It was hard and fast and dirty, the way they got off.  
Dean didn’t really like it, but he didn’t really want it any other way right now, either. It was painful. That was good. Because nothing else was good right now. Painful was all he currently felt and it helped. Helped to stay focused and _sane_.

 

There was an angry yell, from somewhere next to Dean, and Benny was pushed away. Dean opened his eyes, confused, only to close them against a blinding light right away.

A second later, the light was gone, and when he opened his eyes, Benny was gone, just a black smoking mark on the floor, and instead, a man in a trench coat stood with his back to Dean, breathing heavily.

Something in Dean’s head clicked. He had seen this trench coat before. The man turned around slowly, and Dean was met with the stormy face of Castiel.

Dean’s world seemed to fit into its hinges, the gearwheel of a clockwork locking in place, so time could start ticking by.

Castiel’s grey eyes looked straight into him, as if he was looking at his soul rather than at Dean, just like the first time they had met. But now, now he was angry. And Dean deserved the anger, really, because he was just caught with a _hooker_ by his _soulmate_. Dean felt sick. Benny was a hooker, and he made out with him and —

“Did you just kill a hooker?” Dean asked, looking at the dark spot on the floor.

Cas _growled_. “He was a _vampire_ ”, he hissed.

“Whoa, hey there, buddy”, Dean said, raising his hands. “A vampire?”

“Yes.”

“Well, fuck.”

“Would you mind to get dressed?” Castiel asked.

“I-”, Dean started, confused. He looked down on himself and _oh_. He tugged himself in fast, turning red.

When he looked back up, Castiel was still staring at him. He looked less angry, more indifferent.

“Listen, Cas, I’m sorry, I didn’t know you’re my soulmate. I-”

  
Castiel didn’t acknowledge Dean any further, didn’t hear him out. He just disappeared on the spot.

If Dean had any right to be angry, he’d demand who the fuck Castiel was, to be able to do that. But he didn’t have any right. He got lucky, that Castiel only disappeared on him, and didn’t kick his ass for what he did.

It overwhelmed Dean, right there, in the corner of his brother’s flower shop, what exactly he _had_ done. He had _betrayed_ his soulmate. Cheated on Cas with a hooker. And apparently _Cas_ was his soulmate. And Benny was a _vampire_. Fuck.

“I’m gonna be sick!”

 

He couldn’t take standing there anymore. So he locked up behind him and turned to the Impala. When he settled inside and started the engine, “You’re the Devil in Disguise” started to play way too loud.

Dean cursed, and turned the station off. “Fucking song! You wanna make fun of me, baby? You’re supposed to be on my side.”

Dean let out a stream of curses and self-pitying things all the way back to Bobby’s. He’s always ever saw the place as Bobby’s, not as his own home.

When he parked the Impala in the garage, he sat there for a while. The Impala had always been his home. Of course, Sammy and Bobby were his home, too. But they were people, not places. The only “place" that ever was Dean’s home, was the Impala.

He had had a shitty day — a string of shitty days, actually — so he figured, he could get away with sleeping in his car. Hide away from the world at _home_. Just for one night.

With that, he climbed into the backseat and stretched out as comfortable as possible. The last time he had done this, he’d been fourteen. He’d been smaller and the Impala had seemed a lot bigger, back then. But it was comforting and home was home; he stilled loved it.

 

Tomorrow, he’d go, talk to Cas, figure it all out. Fix what he could.

For now, he’d hide from everything; especially his feelings.

He drifted away, banning everything from his mind but the soldier Sam had pushed into one of the Impala’s compartments when he was smaller, and the smell of home.

That night, he dreamed of his mother, of her long, soft and golden hair, of her laughter and how she used to tell him “Angels are watching over you”.

The tingling of his shoulder woke him. There was something not right, he just knew it.

When he opened his eyes, there was a man sitting in the front seat of the Impala.

His hair was dark, and he turned his head around, when Dean jumped.

“Cas, what the fuck!” Dean tried to get his breath under control.  
“Hello, Dean.”  
“What the hell are you doing here, Cas?”

“I’m watching over you.”

“Yeah, cause that’s not creepy at all”, Dean said, sarcastically, but he wondered, if Castiel was gonna murder him in his sleep.  
“Why would I want to murder you?” Castiel asked, irritated and also confused. It was endearing. “I’m your soulmate.”  
Castiel stated it so plainly. Like it was the only truth that counted. It made Dean’s heart ache.

“What, you don’t hate me?”

Castiel stared into his eyes, the intensity would’ve been unnerving if he weren’t so relieved, Cas was even talking to him.

“I do not approve of your actions, Dean. But I do understand why you handled the way you did — I can see it in your soul. It is my fault, for not talking to you before you could make a mistake. I am still disappointed. But I have only myself to blame.”  
“Don’t even start, Cas. This isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I’m the one who was too caught up in his own mind, he didn’t even realize he had a soulmate.”

“It is _not_ your fault, Dean. If I hadn’t realized that he was a filthy vampire on time, I-”

“Whoa, _stop right there_. Enough. Not your fault, buddy. But about that — what the fuck are you, if Benny was a vampire? You killed him with light, didn’t you?”  
Castiel’s voice was so sincere it hurt, when he spoke the next words. “I am an Angel of the Lord.”  
It hurt, because he meant it, and he hurt because it was something, Dean couldn’t believe in.

“Angel’s don’t exist.”

“We do, Dean.”

 _Angels are watching over you_.

It’s been years, since Dean truly believed in anything relatively good if it concerned himself. It took a shitload of courage, to step over your own demons and let hope take hold once again.

But Dean knew, that if he didn’t let himself hope, if he didn’t even try, he’d regret it all his life.

“Okay. Lets say I believe this. Would you tell me God is real, too?”

“He is. He has left the host centuries ago, but he does exist.”

Dean considered his words. They were talking, and he didn’t want to destroy this. He wanted to make them whole, make them a unit. Wanted them to at least become friends.

“I did see you disappear into thin air, and burn away a vampire, so I am inclined to believe you that you’re an Angel — maybe you can show me some  more stuff, later. But I don’t actually believe in God — or in a good God, anyway. I need you to know that, Cas. Because whatever we’re going to be in the future, I might not ever call your God my God. I might say things, which are not supposed to hurt you. But I have lived through Bad Things. And it never gave me any reason to believe in a God.”

 

Castiel didn’t speak but nodded slowly. After a moment he broke their eye contact and looked straight ahead.

“You should go back to sleep. I’ll be here in the morning.”

It was a good thing to hear. It was warming Dean’s heart and even though he didn’t actually want to go back to sleep, the promise of Cas being there in the morning was worth it.

“G’night, Cas.”

* * *

 


	22. t+4 weeks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my lovely readers.  
> I just can't bring myself to re-write the alternative version #2, but I can at least give you the next chapter.
> 
> Enjoy!

* * *

 

_t+4 weeks_

 

When Dean woke up, the warm morning sun on his face, he was confused. It was still winter and shouldn't be that warm.

He turned around without opening his eyes and bumped into another body.

_Cas,_ his mind supplied. His soul seemed to let out a content sigh as he pressed himself into his partner.

 

With a flash, the happenings of the night before came back to Dean and of course it was warm. Because they were in a hotel in Australia.

 

* * *

 

_The Day Before_

 

Castiel had got the hang of some of the human traditions pretty fast. Or maybe it was just those that involved Dean.

Currently, he stood in front of Dean, wearing the same tax accountant outfit as ever and held out his hand.

Dean’s eyebrows were up in his hairline.

“Why, exactly, are we not taking the Impala to our date? You wanna walk? You didn’t even tell me where we’re going.”

“Dean. Do you trust me?”  
“Of course. Why do you even ask that?”

“Well, then would you please take my hand?”

So, Dean took Castiel’s hand. And regretted it almost immediately.

“Whoa, buddy, what the _hell_ was that? Son of a bitch!” He yelled as he stumbled away from Cas, closer to the Impala. Only — that the Impala wasn’t there anymore. In fact, there was nothing behind him but _the_ _ocean_ and a small town behind Cas.”

“Are you alright, Dean?”  
“What the hell, Cas?”

“I take that as a yes”, Castiel said, as he watched Dean, who turned around himself taking in his surroundings.

“It’s — Cas, it’s _summer_! Did you take me back in time or anything? Did we poof back in time?!”

“No, Dean. We did not. We merely flew to another place in your exact timeline.”

“Huh. Flew. How come you never flew with me before?”

“There never was a need.”

Figured, Dean thought.

“And _where_ are we?”  
“In Avoca Beach, a small town between Newcastle and Sydney.”  
“Sydney? As in Sydney, _Australia_?”

“Yes.”

“You took me to fucking Australia for a date?”

“Yes.”

Dean was speechless.

Just as Castiel wanted to turn and walk up to the town, Dean grabbed his shoulder.

He locked eyes with Cas, willing him to take to heart what Dean said next.

“Don’t ever change.”

 

* * *

 

_t+4 weeks_

 

It had been a nice date. It was only topped by the morning that followed. Waking up next to Cas like this was something Dean wanted to have every day. He could have that and he knew it. But he chose to go slow — there was still a lot they had to talk about. Especially angel stuff.

They had talked about God before. Dean was still not very convinced he existed. Even though he knew angels did. It wasn’t that he couldn’t get behind the idea of a God being there. He just didn’t think this God was particularly kind. Or that he just didn’t care.

The second theory had been supported by Cas’ admitting that God had left the Host long ago.

Dean hated that. He could empathize with Castiel and he hated that Cas had been left alone by his father like Dean was. He saw how it affected Cas. That night, he had told Dean that he had gone looking for his Father. But every trace was lost. Not even the prophet — Chuck Shurley — had been able to help.

“But”, Castiel had said, “I do have you now. I don’t think I need to keep looking if everything I want to have is right here.”

It was one of those sentences that Dean hated and simultaneously loved. Because what was he supposed to answer to that? But the way Castiel sounded so sure and happy when he talked about Dean like he was really everything he needed. Dean hang onto this like a lifeline, afraid to let go because it might never come back to him. He didn’t want to be clingy. He just was afraid what it meant to be in love with an angel. Not only for him — also for Sammy.

They had been sent to earth, to Sioux Falls, for a mission. And what would happen, when this mission was over?

“Then we’ll stay”, Castiel’s soft voice said from next to him. Dean hadn’t asked out loud but Castiel was not very good with keeping in his own head instead of Dean’s. For now, Dean ignored it.

“How can you be so sure you’ll stay?” Dean almost was too scared to ask.

“Dean, I cannot promise that there won’t be a mission. But most of my brethren have not been on missions after they found their soulmate. They only ever had to go on missions again after their mate has taken their last breath on earth and their souls had travelled safely into Heaven. And even then, an angel can spend a great deal of time with their mate.”

“But what if they send you on a mission?”

“Dean.”

Castiel moved, put Dean’s face in both of his hands and stared deep into his eyes. It was calming.

“Even if I had to go on a mission. It will be something where you can accompany me. You already started training with Sam. You made such a great progress in the last three weeks, Dean. You’re the born hunter. I will promise you right here, right now, that I am not going on any missions without you.” Cas tone was so sincere, Dean had to swallow to get rid of the lump in his throat.

Castiel, apparently, took that as a sign of discomfort and his eyes wavered.

“That is”, he said, carefully, “if you want to accompany me.”

“Jesus, Cas, yes! Of course I will come with you! Are you kidding? I don’t wanna hunt alone. I think we’ve already established that we’re a great team, back at Christmas.” Dean exclaimed. Calmer, he added, “Yeah. Yes, I’ll come with you.”

Castiel’s smile was as beautiful and bright as it had been when Dean first asked him out and Dean couldn’t help but kiss it.

They had a lot to talk about, yes. But Dean was absolutely sure they would work it out. Whether it was in the U.S. or Australia.

 


	23. t+5 months

* * *

Sam’s birthday was just around the corner and he wanted to celebrate it with a barbecue with his family and friends.

He handed Dean a list of groceries with the words "Get that for Saturday. You can take Cas, Gabe is staying at the shop with me."  
"Thanks, Sammy, good to have someone tell me how to live my life."

 

This is how Dean and Cas ended up in a grocery store on a Thursday afternoon.

 

They had stuffed almost everything into the cart when — to Dean’s annoyance — Crowley came around the corner of the aisle they were just in.

"Oh no", he sighed, hatred surging through him. He would just ignore Crowley, really, but Crowley used every chance to get at Dean.

Dean would have just pushed the tingling into the 'I hate Crowley’-category if Cas hadn’t put a warning hand at his neck, as a declaration for Crowley as much as a warning for Dean — Crowley wasn’t human.

  
Crowley stopped in his path when he saw them. And grinned maliciously.

They couldn't dispose of Crowley in a store packed with people that much was clear.

His thoughts racing, Dean formed a plan.

From the way Castiel’s hand was digging into his shoulder, he didn’t like the plan. But as long as Cas didn’t have any better ideas, Dean would roll with his plan.

 

"Dean Winchester," Crowley said with way too much enthusiasm. This was gonna get bad.

"So, even the unapproachable Dean Winchester found a soulmate?"

His eyes roamed Castiel’s body, his eyes narrowing a tiny little bit in confusion and looked back at Dean.

"Didn’t think you had it in you, to be honest."

To Cas he said, "He’s been a womanizer all his life. A new girl every night. What’s it like, Dean, being with a guy? Must be hard for you — you’ve been so panicked back at school, when a guy asked you out."

 

Thing is — Crowley was right. Cas knew, of course — he could see right into Dean’s soul — but that didn’t make it any less embarrassing for Dean. In fact, it made him angry. He balled his hands into fists.

 

"Never got why he was suppress his interest in guys — came off as a homophobe. Really surprising he’s seen with a dude."

Through clenched teeth Dean said, "Yeah, well maybe I was just not into the dude that asked me out. You ever thought about that?"

Crowley sneered. And his eyes flickered red. _Crossroads demon_.

"You know, I _adored_ you. Didn’t treat you all that well, though, did I? But then, you weren’t really nice either. Started to hate you — how you made fun of me, in front of the whole school. Gotta hand it to you, Winchester, smooth move, this prom thing. So, it’s kinda your fault that I am what I am. I made a fucking deal because if you."

_Probably why he vanished for that long_ , Dean couldn’t help but think.

"What do you want, Crowley? Pity? Revenge? You can have it, come and get me."

Dean opened his arms. Crowley took a step closer, snarling, like he actually considered attacking Dean right there.

Dean heard the unmistakable sound of the angel blade appearing in Cas’ hand and Crowley stopped in his move, looking at it with uncertainty.  
"Ah — so _that’s_ why I didn’t see your soul. You don’t _have_ any, _Angel_. Your taste didn’t get any better, Winchester. You’re not even good enough for God to make you fall in eternal love with a human."

Dean only laughed because, actually, he was pretty happy with his angel. Who said angels weren’t better than humans. But Castiel seemed to be offended on Dean’s account. He lifted his arm with the blade, taking a few steps towards Crowley.

Dean put his hand on Cas’ shoulder to hold him back because this was _not_ the place! There were innocent people here, for fuck’s sake.

Crowley took this moment to say "This is my queue. Goodbye, boys."

His eyes turned red again, he lifted his hand, snapped his finger’s and disappeared.

 

 

"Whoa!", said someone from behind. Dean cringed because he knew the voice all too well.

"Did that guy just vanish? Jo, pinch me — did you see that too? I’m not going crazy, am I?"

Dean turned around sighing.

"Charlie. What the hell are you guys doing here?"

Charlie looked astonished and excited. Jo seemed shocked.

"We’re grocery shopping, duh! — what the hell—"

"Dean Winchester", Jo’s voice boomed through the aisle. She sounded way too much like Ellen, for Dean’s liking. "Explain."

"Uh", Dean stammered. Great. He always wanted to keep all of this from his brother. And now, now he didn’t even manage to keep his friends out of it anymore. But he knew both of them so well. They were persistent and knew when he lied even before he did. There was no way they were gonna be satisfied with a lie or half-truth.

"Well, I guess I owe you an explanation." He capitulated.

"Oh yes and in great detail." Jo said, crossing her arms.

"But not here. We’re gonna take the groceries and drive down to Sam’s."

It took a moment and a prod into her ribs from Charlie for Jo to agree.

"Fine."

 

 

*  *  *

 

 

"You’re telling me you guys are _angels_." Charlie stated, disbelieving but excited. Only Charlie would be happy about meeting supernatural creatures. Okay, admittedly, Dean was happy about Cas, too. But that was different. He wasn’t excited about the supernatural in general.

"Yes." Cas said when Charlie pointed her finger at him and Gabe.

"And Crowley, the guy that poof-ed, was a demon." Dean added.

"Wait, Crowley’s a _demon_?" Sam asked, baffled.

 

When they had come back to Sam’s shop, Dean had told him to close early, today. Sam did. He made coffee while the others made themselves comfortable. Charlie had barely been able to contain herself until they finished explaining.

 

"Yeah", Dean said, "He must’ve been taken within the last year. I knew he was creepier the last time I managed to evade him. Doesn’t make much difference to who he was before, though", Dean snorted. “He said something about the prom being some kind of reason. If that’s true he must’ve gotten an incredibly bad deal. It’s been seven years since then. His deal must’ve been five years or something, instead of ten.”

 

It was silent for a while, while Sam let sink in this particular piece of information about Crowley and the girls got over basically everything they just heard.

 

"Does", Jo started hesitantly. "Bobby know? Did you tell him?"

"Yes. We did. Few months ago."

"What did he say?"

Dean narrowed his eyes, trying to understand what Jo would want with this information.

"You wanna tell Ellen?"

Jo looked at her hands which was answer enough.

"Jo, look at me." Sam ordered. Dean was fine with it because it was gonna be a little less harsh when it came from Sam.  
"We told Bobby that Cas and Gabe are angels. We didn’t particularly tell him about the other stuff — because he already knew."

"He knew?"

"Yes, he knew. He knew since his wife died." Sam let this sink in. "And he also told us that — Ellen knows, too."

Jo was shellshocked, Dean could tell. And he also saw how the anger flared up in Jo.

"She _knows_?", she yelled, "She fucking _knew_ and didn’t tell me?"

Jo got up and ran towards the door. Dean was faster, he had predicted her reaction. Jo was like him, too passionate for her own good (and yes, he saw that as a flaw in himself). He pulled her in his arms and held her until she calmed down enough to sit back down. The anger hadn’t subsided completely, though.

"How come she knows, anyway?", she asked, irritated.

Sam looked at the floor, awkward silence stretching out. Dean couldn’t give Jo the same treatment. Bobby had told him about the circumstances of her father’s death. Even though he couldn’t bear to actually say the words, Dean looked straight at Jo, transporting all the support and love he had with that look. It only was a matter of seconds for her to understand, staring back at Dean.

"No", she breathed, horrified.

"NO!", she yelled a moment later, tears in her eyes.

"I’m sorry, Jo. I am so, so sorry!" Dean said, his voice breaking. He knew what that felt like. They shared this pain of knowing now — it had been very hard on Sam when Dean had told him but it was actually a nice feeling not to be alone with the knowledge anymore.

Charlie did the best to comfort her soulmate, pulled Jo closer and rocked their bodies back and forth.

"Dean?" She asked when Jo’s sobs quieted down.

"You mentioned something about training, earlier."

"Yeah, Cas ’n Gabe are training Sam ’n me."

"Can we-"

"NO!" Dean winced at his own outburst. "No. It’s too dangerous. I won’t let you go out there with us."

"Dean, it’s not even about the hunting or whatever you call it! It’s about knowing what is out there and having literally _no clue_ how to defend ourselves. Do you want us to live with this knowledge and without being able to protect ourselves?"

"Dean, she’s right." Sam said.

Dean hated the idea of his beautiful friends fighting but he couldn’t argue with that. Especially when Jo looked at him, hopeful and expecting. And who was he kidding, if he didn’t say yes now; they’d bother and pester him until he agreed.

"Alright, okay, fine." Dean throw his arms in the air in surrender.

"Cas, Gabe, seems like you got some new students."

* * *

 


	24. Epilogue: t+6 months

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey my loves,  
> This is actually the last chapter.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and for your feedback!
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this last chapter,
> 
> Yours,  
> Sophokles

* * *

 

“This is ridiculous. Why am I doing this again? Where did you find these, Charlie? They are uncomfortable as fuck!”

“Because you lost a bet”, Cas said, helpful as always.

Dean rolled his eyes. “How did I loose this stupid bet anyway? I was so sure that they had a law!”

“‘[State Law](http://www.dumblaws.com/laws/united-states/wisconsin) made it illegal to serve apple pie in public restaurants without cheese.’”, Charlie cited, “Really, Dean, you want me to print it out and staple it on every inch of the Impala?”

Dean opened his mouth, indignantly, a vicious response already on his tongue but Jo beat him to it. 

“Stop whining, Dean! You’re bad at pretending to hate this.” She yelled from where she lay in the sun, a cocktail in one hand, a camera in the other.

“You love your car enough to do this. And you love doing this”, Charlie said from where she was perched on her chair next to Jo. They high-fived.

He knew it had been a bad idea to introduce them to each other, _knew it_. As soon as he met Charlie he had loved her like a sister. But he always knew he shouldn’t have introduced her to Jo. Because the only thing he got from that was an annoying and blackmailing pair of soulmates. And a fangirl accomplice. Charlie had been adamant about coming to Cas’ “family” dinner. It had been just an awkward assembly of a few angels, really, with some of them bringing their soulmates. It was adorable to see how Castiel had tried to talk to his family but also keep an eye on Dean, overly protective. Charlie was in her _oh-look-adorable-dorks-that-are-in-love-with-each-other-_ mode and freaking out over their — what she called it — cuteness (Dean could barely admit she was right in his own head, so he only rolled his eyes at her — she went too far when she gave them a ship name, though. _Destiel_ , how stupid did that even sound).

Dean had been a little worried because even though this overprotective entity was still Cas, just a precious dork with no clue how to interact with people, Dean dreaded meeting too many angels at once. Not all of them were as kind as Cas. He’s been telling Dean about arguments getting out of hand and the way the angels treated each other. For the most part, the angels were dicks. Completely different from Cas and Gabe. And Dean knew for a fact that Cas actually would use banishing sigils on his brethren, if they came too close and threw around any stupid comments. It happened. Once. But to be fair, Zach was a real _douche_. Had it coming.

And Cas, when he unleashed his wrath had been looking so beautiful, his wings a shadow in the room and the air had felt electric. Dean would never grew tired of this electricity in his bedroom either. Because, damn, that was just the greatest feeling —.

“They are right. You are enjoying yourself.” Cas quipped from the porch.

Dean whirled around, sticking an accusing finger in his direction.

“You. Are a bad boyfriend. You should be on my side here, dude.” Dean pouted, while the girls started laughing. At least Ellen had the audacity to hide her grin where she sat between Cas and Bobby.

“I am merely stating a fact. You were thinking it yourself. Before your thoughts took a rather — uh.”

If Castiel could blush he’d be red like a tomato.

Dean didn’t know whether to be angry or laugh at Cas for being embarrassed. But he couldn’t suppress a knowing grin at his soulmate’s discomfort.

“This is exactly my point. You’re not supposed to say out loud what is on my mind. You’re not supposed to listen into my head in the first place. We talked about that, Cas. So, it’s only fair you got to see that particular thought.”

With that, Dean turned back around, ignoring how uncomfortable the shorts — _fucking shorts,_ man — were and got back to washing the Impala, griping about everything, just as Gabriel and Sam drove up to the house. Sam was laughing manically which Dean mostly ignored, except from giving him the finger (he also might have taken this as a declaration for a prank war).

Suddenly, with a faint flap of the air, a pair of hands came up around his chest, a warm body pressing against his from behind. Dean relaxed into Cas immediately.  
“Hi, Cas”, he breathed softly.

“Hello, Dean”, came the low response.

Dean turned around. Cas grey eyes were looking directly into his, the blue of the sky behind him. In this moment, Dean could imagine what Castiel’s eyes looked like. The exact shade of blue flashing through his head as his soulmate stood there in front of him, the sun forming a halo around his head.

This was the moment, Dean realized just how much he loved his angel, this powerful but infinitely kind and loving celestial being and how lucky he was to be granted this, his friends and family laughing in the background while he was drowning just by staring into his soulmate’s eyes.

 

* * *

 

The End

 

* * *

 


End file.
